Wild violet is considered by many to be an attractive, durable ground cover. Furthermore, it is edible, making it a useful plant as well. It is lovely when one desires its presence; but if not, it is impossible to be rid of. As it can spread via stolons or rhizomes, it is difficult to uproot successfully, and the herbicides which are most effective tend to damage the desired ground-covers as well. One major problem arises when these tenacious flowers get into conifer beds. As one conifer of my acquaintance has said, “Having violets in my bed is trouble. I’m a married man.” Young coniferous seedlings are delicate and easily smothered by the presence of weeds. The best defense is to proactively surround them with protective mulch.
Illustration from N.L. Britton and A. Brown: Illustrated Flora of the Northern States and Canada, 1913.
Tannon’s senses were truly different from ours. For example, he was continually mixing up the difference between hot and cold with near and far. This was fine while in bed with Tara – the warmth of her and the closeness of her presence were both desirable things. However, it led to an awkward situation in the morning when he mistook a glass of chilled redberri juice for being much farther away than it actually was.
Tara’s solution was to take a bath. This was her solution to many problems, perhaps her second favorite following “have a drink.” However, on this occasion it was actually a quite appropriate reaction to the circumstances. “It will be a while before your clothes come back from the cleaner,” said Tara, “so we might as well relax.”
“I can make new clothes,” said Tannon. “I’m a little worried about this.” He raised his leg out of the water.
“Your foot?”
“The skin on the toes is altering.”
“Oh, that happens. I don’t know why.” Tara reached over to a nearby table, where she had left her datapad. After a few seconds of searching, she announced, “A combination of digital vasoconstriction and dead keratin cells absorbing water. In theory, it’s supposed to increase traction on a slippery surface. Well, we’ve learned something today – albeit something completely pointless.”
“You’re sure it’s not root rot? Root rot in conifers is almost a death sentence.”
“Tannon, you can’t get root rot from taking a bath. Sir Kaman is constantly vigilant to make certain that the soil in your penjing pot has proper drainage. He’s even been studying under a bonsai master to expand his knowledge of potted trees.”
As it turns out, I was quite grateful that Tannon turned out to be so peculiar. The others were morbidly fascinated with his behavior and sensations, and it had distracted them from some of the other pressing matters at hand. I didn’t want to worry about nul-beings and Cu’ensali terrorists and the politics of Earth. I had enough on my mind.
To wit: Ellery.
I was holding him in my arms as we watched the clouds drift past, reflected across the surface of the pond. I didn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything. He smelled so good, and I just wanted to breathe him.
When I was with Ellery, it was hard to think about anyone else, even Tara, and that was disturbing. Let alone Cillian.
« Next time you should bring him, » Ellery said.
« He’ll be upset with me. »
« He’s not. He’s hurt that you left him last night, but he’s not jealous. He understands about us. It’s the same between him and Callum. »
« I don’t think it’s the same. »
Ellery sat up. « You’re making a mistake, » he said. « You’re judging the depth of their affection by their means of showing it. But Callum would be miserable if Cillian treated him the way you treated me. Callum is strong. Callum needs to prove that he can bear anything for the ones he loves. And only Cillian is tough enough to be able to hurt him in the way he needs. You couldn’t. »
« I suppose there’s truth in that. I could never abuse my lovers that way. »
I stroked Ellery’s hair.
« It can’t always be like this, » I said. « If you’re the heart of I and I, then you belong to all of us equally. That’s a problem. Cillian may not be jealous, but I am. »
« I’m not strong enough to bear the weight of being loved by everyone. I’m not like you. »
He had not intended an affront, but his words pierced me. I had never considered the matter in such a fashion, but yes, every day I felt the incredible weight of the love of billions. I shouldered the hopes and dreams of an entire star system – and the only love I had ever wanted was Tara’s.
« It’s called the Atlas Tree for a reason, » said Ellery, taking my hand.
I didn’t want Ellery to see my face. I wanted to cry. I wanted a drink.
« We’re human, » I said. « We needed to be human so that we could love Tara in a human fashion. But no man could ever bear this. »
« No single man, » said Ellery. « When the pleroma is complete, the load will be distributed evenly. For now, let Cillian help you. But you’ll have to go to him. He’ll forgive you, but he’s too proud to seek you out. »
« All right. But what about you? »
« I need time. Right now, I trust you and I trust Ross. Maybe I trust Cillian a little. »
« Not Quennel? »
« Especially not Quennel. I’m really happy that Evan keeps his attention. Not that there’s anything wrong with him, but he’s…he’s got his own ideas about how everything should be. I can’t explain it. And he thinks of me as belonging to him because of the circumstances of my emanation. »
« You’re not his. You’re mine. »
I hung my head sheepishly. « I didn’t mean that quite the way it sounded. »
« Yes you did. But it’s okay. »
Ellery laid his head against my shoulder. « Let’s just stay a few more minutes, » he suggested. « Then you’ll find Cillian. »
I stared at the reflected clouds. I was careful to let my gaze fall only upon the surface of the water. I didn’t want to think about what lay underneath.
*****
The scene back at Daniel’s apartment was strangely subdued. « We all feel hung over, » said Tommy. « Those cones…I mean most of us couldn’t even reach them, but…»
I noted that Tommy had resumed his seat on the couch next to Cillian.
Cillian raised an eyebrow, as if to ask if I had a problem with that.
Mickey and Lucius were in my old chair. I supposed that I could take up the chair at the card table although it was hardly fitting for the dignity of an Archon. I started to take a step, but Ellery tugged on my arm. Our eyes met. For the first time, he looked angry.
I could see Callum, kneeling on the floor. His eyes were raised, staring at me, which was most unusual. He looked angry, too.
Everyone was looking at me. Daniel looked exasperated.
What did they want me to do?
No, that was the wrong question. What did Cillian want me to do?
He wanted me to fight for him, of course.
I cleared my throat. « Tommy, I’d like that seat back. »
« You can sit by me, Tommy, » said Patrick quickly.
Tommy looked at me archly and shrugged. It was never about him, not in anyone’s mind, even his. It was about allowing Cillian to save face. I realized then that if I apologized, it would only make the situation worse. It would be an admission that Cillian could have been hurt by my actions, and then he’d have to deny it. By that logic, the only way that I could make it up to him was by an admission on my part.
Our liaison was a secret which everyone knew about. But was it his secret or mine? He’d never hidden his trysts with Tommy or his longstanding ties to Callum.
No, it was my secret, apparently, which I’d never questioned since I was entirely comfortable with it. And he’d adequately second-guessed my desires, while I openly ran off with Ellery last night – which more-or-less transmitted the message that Ellery was more important to me than Cillian.
I’d messed it up badly, and I absolutely could not apologize. I couldn’t think of any words which would make it better.
I sat on the couch next to him. Ellery squeezed in on the other side of me. Callum regarded me warily from the floor. Cillian did not look at me. I wanted a drink. I was tired, so very tired.
By this time, Tara and Tannon were out of the bath. They were on the verandah, and Tara was inspecting Tannon’s cones.
“Here,” he said, plucking loose one of the scales. “Like the nau’gsh nectarine, my seeds mature rapidly.” He pried back the covering with his nails, exposing the tender seed inside. “Try it.”
He placed the seed between Tara’s lips.
Cillian nearly jumped off the couch. « Mother of compost dumps, that was forward! »
« He’s a pervert from start to finish, » sniffed Evan.
« I don’t suppose your attitude has anything to do with the fact that he’s on Quennel’s tree, » said Lorcan.
« Of course not, » said Evan. « I’m not jealous. It’s foolish for branches in the same grove to be jealous of each other. »
« If being foolish precluded a phenomenon, we’d have to erase half of human history, » said Dermot.
« Tannon is super freaky, which has its attractions, » said Quennel, « but he’s nowhere near as beautiful as you. Here, let me braid your hair. »
Evan sighed and settled on the floor between Quennel’s legs, back propped against the bed. « Your hair is spun gold, like the goddess Sif in the old Norse myths, » said Quennel.
Quennel had managed that difficult situation incredibly smoothly. Of course, braiding Cillian’s hair was not an option since he kept it cropped within a centimeter. It was just that Quennel had known just the right thing to say to Evan – and I hadn’t the slightest idea what to say to Cillian. I looked back at Patrick, hoping that some of his diplomatic acumen would somehow transfer itself to me, but Patrick was too busy consoling the now-displaced Tommy.
Why didn’t I know what to say?
And then I remembered something Cillian had told me: If you ever want to look in my branch, it’s okay.
But did I really want to look in his branch? Given the way I had initially reacted to him, I was afraid of what I might find. The last thing I wanted was to make things worse than they already were. I wanted to fix it, to make it as good as it had been the other day, but I didn’t know how.
I really didn’t know because I was never with him, because I never looked in his branch, because I didn’t know all the things about him that everybody knew but me. This is why Callum was staring daggers at me from his place upon the floor, why I felt Ellery silently willing me to take action.
What did they all know that I did not?
And Cillian, of course, would never tell me because it wasn’t his way to admit any kind of weakness. If you ever want to look in my branch, it’s okay. In other words, he had given me permission – no, asked me – to see the things he could never say to me.
At that moment, Captain Zosim arrived. “Your Eminence, we might have an issue.” Then he caught sight of Tannon. “Wait. Is that…?”
“Just don’t say anything, Zosim,” Tara growled.
“I’m Tannon,” he said, holding up the back of his hand with the fingers spread in a V-shape. “Peace out.”
Tara grabbed his hand, turning the thumb and fingers outward. “That way,” she said. “The other direction is an obscenity in certain cultures.”
Tannon rotated his hand back and forth. “I don’t see the difference,” he said. “It only makes sense that peace and the female genitals are equivalent.”
“Lord Danak is going to love making public appearances with this one,” said Zosim. “Anyway, we might have a problem. Might. I wanted you to take a look at this, Eminence.”
He activated a holovid. It showed the rather disturbing scene of the MPP torching a Cu’ensali tree. I felt Ellery flinch, and put my arm around him protectively.
“That is one of the Cu’ensali responsible for a failed attack yesterday,” said Zosim, “in case you were concerned. The problem is that…”
“There are only four mothmen,” said Tara. “Titusashra is missing.”
Zosim nodded. “Very observant, Your Eminence.”
“I suppose that we should be grateful that Elma’ashra is with the MPP – that means the Cantor’s holding sway over Hellborne. Or that Elma’ashra has an angle of her own, which is quite possible. We fall into the trap of believing that we know what the mothmen are thinking, and we don’t. The emanations are just the tip of the iceberg.” Suddenly Tara staggered. Tannon intercepted her so smoothly that he must’ve predicted her movement before she made it. “I see it,” Tara muttered. “That seed…”
“It’s stronger on its own,” Tannon nodded. “Eating it with dairy takes some of the edge off.”
“Your Eminence?” Zosim took a step forward, concerned.
“Hellborne knows exactly what Titusashra is doing. She won’t aid it, but she won’t interfere with it either. Tannon, get me another one of those seeds.”
Tannon guided her to a seat first. “Don’t move,” he said. “You can’t overdose, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get yourself into trouble until you get used to it.”
“I don’t understand,” said Zosim.
“The nuts from Tannon’s cones,” said Tara. “They’re different than Cu’enashti fruit, more directed. Until now, the visions just came to me at random. I was never able to focus on what I wanted to see, the way that Elma can by using Gyre.”
“Isn’t Prince Tannon a nau’gsh?” asked Zosim. “Why does he have cones?”
“That’s a personal question,” said Tannon.
“Titusashra is with her husband, which is a very fine place for a Cu’enashti to be. Earl Mac’kellr, on the other hand, is with a group of radicals who intend to launch a large scale attack against the Cu’ensali in the Great Lopsided Forest. There’s never been a recorded incidence of either a Cu’enmerengi nor a Cu’enashti in that forest. Mac’kellr intends to raze it to the ground, then claim the area for family groves.”
But there are squirrel trees there, said Jamey. One called Delight Runs among the Branches is over a thousand years old.
“Probably you need Cillian,” said Tannon. “I’m no good at smashing heads.”
« Looks like I’m being called into service, » said Cillian, standing and stretching.
Then the world turned blue; we felt that odd suspension accompanied by an extension of our senses which came with the assumption of the mothman form. When it returned to normal, Cillian was gone; no, that wasn’t right, because Cillian was everywhere. He wasn’t in the room with us; he was the room.
In fact, if I were to blank my mind, suppressing the thoughts and feelings of Ailann Tiarnan, I would be Cillian, experiencing everything he thought and felt. But, as usual, I could feel myself holding back from that. I glanced around the room. Callum was no longer looking at me, but had that distant stare which marked a branch in full communion with the emanation. Tommy and Tarlach wore the same expression.
« One window of opportunity smashed, » muttered Ellery.
There was a knock at the door. That was strange – the only person who knocked at Daniel’s door was Tara. Everyone else assumed it was a home away from home; no, it was home, and their flat was secondary.
It was Tannon. « There was no one on the boat, » he said.
No one said a word. He shrugged, moving towards the empty space on the couch. Suddenly, Callum’s eyes snapped into focus. « That’s the Admiral’s place, » he snarled. I flinched at the ferocity of his remark – Callum almost never asserted himself.
Tannon took a step backwards. He looked around the room at the silent faces regarding him. « Well, I see how it is. I’ll go back to the boat. »
« Over here, » said Ross. « You can sit next to me. »
Constantine started from his chair, sending his brother a panicked glance. Ross’ expression was rebuking. Ross understood what it meant to be ostracized for no fault of your own.
I should’ve said something. I would have, except that Tannon’s totally innocuous – and logical – gesture of moving to an unoccupied seat, shocked me, shocked everyone: nobody ever took Cillian’s spot. And, of course, everyone was feeling overly protective of Cillian right now. Not that he required it. If he’d come back and found Tannon on the couch, he probably would’ve punched the hapless newcomer, so it was all for Tannon’s good.
Of course, it didn’t come off like that. Clearly the message was: I don’t want to sit next to a conifer.
That was it, all I could take. I got up and went to the bar. Ellery and Callum exchanged an exasperated look which absolutely infuriated me.
« I think we ought to label that couch ‘the siege perilous,’ » said Tommy.
Everybody laughed, and it diffused the tension somewhat.
« Wow, you’re really beautiful, » said Tannon, pointing at Constantine.
« Uh, thanks, » said Constantine awkwardly. Tannon was referring to the tapestry of tattoos on Constantine’s body, the first drawn by Tara, and then one each contributed by every branch.
« You know, » said Ross, « you’ve gotten behind. None of the new emanations have drawn anything yet. Even Solomon hasn’t drawn anything. »
« There isn’t any room to add something, » said Tannon.
« Oh, if you use Tara’s marker, it will draw right over the background I put in, » said Quennel. « Then I’ll touch it up later to make the background fit the design. »
Constantine looked worriedly at Ross. Ross pointedly ignored it. « Maybe later, when things have calmed down, we could make a party of it, » he said. « We could have all the new emanations add their designs to Constantine’s skin at one go. »
« That’s a good idea, » said Briscoe. « It will give me time to think of something nice. »
I sat back down. I’d had two scotches, and brought a third with me. Well, two doubles, that is. In any case, I was feeling considerably better. Well, feeling considerably less, which is much better than I was feeling a few minutes ago, but much worse than I felt when I was in bed with Cillian.
« Down the hatch, » I said.
Now Ellery was glaring at me. « What am I supposed to do? » I asked.
« You know, » he said.
I did know. Well, maybe I was sufficiently buffered to face it.
Tentatively, I reached into Cillian’s branch. I was in the solid core of the branch, and it felt good, because it was all about Tara. His love for her, his devotion to her, and then some things I didn’t want to feel, but understood completely: how much he was awed and frightened by her, his need to control her, his terror that she would be hurt – all things he could never share with anyone, things that he shouldered in solitude, as much a part of Atlas as I was.
But near the periphery, I felt an ache, an emptiness, and when I dipped my mind into it, I could trace back the source: me. It was a raging river of unfulfilled desire that ran back to the beginning, to the moment when Cillian was first emanated, and he understood what I had wanted to do. He had taken on the guilt for Patrick’s act of homicide, and I had wanted to destroy him for it.
For years he struggled against me; we quarreled because he admired me but burned from the sting of my rejection, a rejection which happened before he’d even had a chance to take his first breath.
He loved me. He had been waiting for me all this time. What he wanted was the same thing he had wanted from the very beginning: my acceptance, my acknowledgement.
I couldn’t bear it. « I’m going back up to my temple, » I said. « Ellery, come with me. »
« No, » he replied.
There was an immediate, unspoken frisson of interest in the room. With Cillian gone, I couldn’t leave Ellery unprotected. I couldn’t leave the Heart of Ashtara up for grabs.
But what right had I to protect I and I’s heart when I couldn’t even face my own?
« No one will touch him, » said Aran. « I guarantee it. »
Aran was probably the second-most powerful emanation, after myself. I knew him to be completely centered on n’aashet n’aaverti. He rarely got entangled with the politics of the other branches.
« Thank you, » I said.
« After all, I am your brother, » he replied.
It felt like a hammer against my heart. He was my brother, a branch composed of tendencies taken from myself and Patrick. It wasn’t something I’d paid attention to, or even acknowledged. I felt Constantine’s eyes on my back, Constantine, who had always supported his brother, Ross, to the utmost. I remembered how Seth had been there for Blackjack, and that right now, Wynne was down in Ace’s flat.
From the haze of my drunken thoughts, an idea emerged: they try so hard to help us. Even though from the beginning, I’d fought, I’d rejected Goliath. I had my reasons, and at the time, they were good ones. But had I known then that the Goliath branches didn’t even have the same origin as the Atlas branches, it would have been ten times worse.
But they only wanted to help. They wanted to love Tara. They wanted to love us.
I and I had concealed the truth about His nature from us because we would have been smashing idiots about it. We were on the verge of being smashing idiots now. In fact, I was the center of a vortex of smashing idiocy.
I turned around, heading towards Ross and Constantine. Their faces registered their surprise. I slapped my arm around Tannon in a gesture of drunken bonhomie. « Welcome to the pleroma, » I said.
There was an audible gasp.
« I want you all to make my friend Tannon feel at home, » I continued. « And if anyone gives him flak about being a conifer – excuse me, a person of coniferous tendencies – they’ll have to deal with me. »
« Hey, Ross had a real good idea, » said Tommy. « We’ve had a lot of new emanations, and we haven’t really had time to get to know them yet. We should have a party. »
« I think we should wait on the party until after the war, » hissed Callum. « Are any of you paying attention? »
Paying attention?
« Oh shit, » said Tommy, echoing the sentiments of us all.