Eichhornia crassipes is yet another mistake made by the gatekeepers of the genetic banks. The species produces lovely purple flowers, much beloved in aquatic ponds. Unfortunately, it often escapes into waterways, doubling in biomass in as little as six days. Besides choking out other native aquatic plants and animals, water hyacinth clogs drains, pumps, dams, canals and irrigation ditches, with the potential for drastic impact on human hygiene, transportation, food and hydraulic energy production. The problem is especially bad on Dolparessa, where the climate is perfect for opportunistic plants. The Cu’endhari regard the species with a rather blasé attitude: “What happens in the water stays in the water,” they say.
Illustration from Alice Lounsberry and Marian Ellis Ryan Rowan (illustrator), Southern Wild Flowers and Trees, 1901.
Lucius was very surprised to find himself seated across from President Tellick.
Tellick laughed. “You look so startled. Then you must be Ashtara. I haven’t seen you since you did me the favor of capturing General Panic.”
Lucius-Rivers fumbled for words. “Did Rivers…?”
“Yes, he explained everything.”
“So much for staying out of trouble.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that it would be best to inform the SongLuminants that Earth has become a protectorate of the Skarsian Matriarchy.”
“What? No! You’ve got us wrong…” Lucius-Rivers stood awkwardly, agitatedly, then found he had nowhere to go. Rivers’ luxury flat was small, smaller than a dormitory room on Skarsia.
“I think I understand perfectly. For a number of very sensible reasons, you don’t want the responsibility of governing Earth. That’s exactly why I’m inclined to let you have it. Your level of supervision will be minimal, we’ll be free of interference from the Combine of Sentients, and we can call for aid when we’re in trouble.”
« Fink, » said Lucius to Rivers.
I’m the fink? Rivers snapped. Who’s snatching whose body?
“Um,” said Lucius-Rivers, reaching for assistance from us. It was useless – everything we tried to say was too garbled and distant for him to understand. In the end, he settled for a point Tara had raised in the past: “What about the heresy laws?”
“What of them? You don’t enforce them on Tasea.”
“Taseans are pretty much considered…well, not quite primitives…uncultured? But Earth, now that would be, well, it would be a thing…”
Tellick laughed. “I’m prepared to allow the Archonist Church to open up a mission. It will dovetail nicely with our new policy of religious freedom. You know, religion was illegal under the old régime, so it’s become quite fashionable. My own personal religion is pragmatism, so I’ve been attending Reform Mithraist services, but who knows? I could convert to Archonism.”
“The Alliance fleet must’ve emerged from the wormhole by now,” said Lucius-Rivers, changing the subject.
“Yes, as expected. Are you going to do something, or are we asking the SongLuminants to intervene?”
“If the SongLuminants intervene, they’re likely to wipe out the Alliance fleet.”
“I don’t see the problem in that,” said Tellick smugly.
« Damn him, » said Tara. « He’s playing us. He knows we’d rather not have the SongLuminants involved, both from the perspective of preservation of lives, but also because it weakens our own position. »
« Fucking Rivers, » said Cillian. « He went to Tellick about this. He’s always been in favor of allowing the SongLuminants to destroy the Alliance. »
Unfortunately, Lucius didn’t hear any of this. He was doing his best to control Rivers’ body while concentrating on the plan. “We have to wait a little,” said Lucius-Rivers. “We want them to contact Memehaven and find out what happened when our diplomatic envoy to Arthvea was attacked.”
“What happened?” asked Tellick.
Ah, Rivers hadn’t heard. The news was too fresh, and Lucius hadn’t told him, so Tellick had no way of knowing. Lucius forced a little grin. “The Matriarch and the Archon went to negotiate in person. We were harried by Alliance ships. I and I neutralized their fleet, and then Aran…Archon Aran fucked up their sun.”
The news had the desired effect on Tellick. “I…I thought you couldn’t leave…”
“We have our ways,” said Lucius-Rivers, gesturing at his own chest. “Demonstrably.” Canopus was still a big secret. Ironically, Rand’s book had been released in the 21st Century before the 37th. I suppose that strictly speaking, our novels are always released in the 21st century before the 37th. What I mean is that at this point in our experience, the public knew nothing of Canopus, and knowledge of Yggdrasil was confined to our carefully controlled press releases.
Tellick returned the grin. “This is why I prefer avoiding your enmity, Ashtara. No one really knows the limits of your power, and you’re very good at spreading disinformation that looks like disclosure. I think that you say you have less power than you do, but then somehow make it look like you have more power than you do. That’s how you managed to worm your way into a position of influence with the Combine of Sentients, isn’t it?”
Lucius shrugged. It was a fair approximation. It was also something that Tellick would understand, since he had made a career from looking far less intelligent than he was.
Tellick blinked. “There’s a transmission coming in from the Alliance fleet. Look.”
The next thing Lucius knew, he was on the ground, convulsing in white agony. Tellick was standing over him, trying to help him to his feet. “What happened?”
“Don’t use the chip,” Lucius gasped. “When Rivers’ brain accesses it, my consciousness comes into contact with that nul-shielding, and it disrupts my control.”
“Ah, how unfortunate. That chip was a prototype. We were hoping to keep it a secret from you since it’s impossible for you to sense it. But more importantly, it won’t show up on security scans anywhere in human space, so it’s still worth developing. Here, I’ll put the transmission on holo.”
Tellick blinked at the transmitter, and a holographic image appeared on the table.
“Inhabitants of Earth, this is Admiral Thorncraft of the Alliance of Mankind battleship Tigris. We have come to liberate your planet. Recent events should have shown you the true intent of the so-called revolutionary government: They are the stooges of the Combine of Sentients, a collection of alien species intent on the control and ultimate subjugation of the human race. If you have any doubts about this, look to the edge of the solar system, where a hostile fleet of Hreck ships awaits the outcome of this battle. Do not be deceived by any talk of assistance from the Skarsian Matriarchy. The Domha’vei is inhabited by barbarians who long ago sold themselves to alien influence. The glorious future of humanity has been completely subverted by the Cu’endhari. And for what purpose? Who knows? We have no idea of alien desires or motivations. Perhaps they want our resources. Perhaps they desire to make us slaves. Most probably they see us as a threat to be eliminated.”
“Our fleet will reach battle positions in a matter of hours. This is a battle to the death, and we are not deceived of our chances. Not only are the Hreck poised for intervention, but we have received word that Arthvea has been attacked by a supposedly diplomatic envoy from Skarsia. And this is no ordinary attack: The Archon has used his mysterious powers to create a solar disturbance resulting in an enormous magnetic storm which will disrupt power and communications on Arthvea over the course of the next week, causing untold damage to the Arthvean infrastructure. Are you still deceived as to the intentions of these creatures?”
“That’s a lie,” said Lucius. “They attacked us.”
“Did you actually expect them to admit that?” replied Tellick.
I can’t believe how naïve you are, added Rivers.
“Unless we have the assistance of true humans on Earth to overthrow its quisling government, it is likely that our fleet will be destroyed. Nevertheless, we will fight. We will fight because humanity will not be ruled by creatures like these!” Thorncraft’s image dissolved into a startling vision: a glowing blue mothman flying amongst burning red centipedes against a background of unfamiliar stars. It was a publicity holo from our announcement of peace with the Denolin Turym. It had been cleverly edited to make the Denolin look as repugnant as possible. In fact, we had carefully avoided close-ups of the Denolin, but an image manipulation expert had tampered with the footage, altering images of common Earth centipedes to match the pulsing energy of the Denolin, then placing them against the background of the Nightside Station.
“Stupid,” muttered Lucius. “The factrakers will expose that in ten minutes.”
“We don’t have factrakers on Earth,” said Tellick. “We haven’t gotten around to developing an open media here, and there certainly isn’t one anywhere CenGov has an influence.”
“Then how does anyone know what’s true?” asked Lucius.
“If we tell them it’s true, it’s true,” said Tellick. “Much simpler, don’t you think?”
“Well, I think you’d better tell your people this isn’t true!” sputtered Lucius.
“They’re not too likely to believe it,” said Tellick. “People raised on propaganda generally discount everything they hear.”
“You seem amazingly calm for a man on the verge of an interstellar war and maybe a counter-revolution.”
“I seem amazingly calm for a man with alien allies sitting at the edge of my system, waiting for the word to destroy my enemies. So why don’t you call in the canines – or crustaceans, as it were?”
Lucius was in a bind. We had basically counted on frightening CenGov into standing down, but instead we had pushed them into a corner. « I knew we should’ve had a Plan B, » said Ethan.
« Too late now, » said Mickey. « Our ability to communicate with Lucius is pretty spotty. »
“You don’t seem too worried about the domestic situation.”
“I’m gambling that the people here hate CenGov more than some nebulous alien menace. If the Alliance starts an orbital bombardment, and then the Hreck destroy them, the Combine will look like our saviors, not the Alliance.”
“But some of your citizens will die.”
“You’re really too squeamish to be a head of state, do you know that? You should stick to running your church.”
Lucius sat back on Rivers’ chair. It was tiny and uncomfortable – the entire apartment looked as though it had been designed to make the occupant feel claustrophobic and dehumanized. And this was Earth, the homeworld of humanity – our homeworld. “There are no windows in here,” he said. “It’s driving me crazy.”
“What do you expect? This is an orbital station. There are some monitors if you really want to look, but what is there to see? The moon?”
“I wish I could feel the Earth beneath my feet,” said Lucius. “Beneath my roots.”
“You have a love of chemical waste?” Tellick riposted. “I haven’t been to the surface in months – I avoid it whenever possible.”
“Are there any other…nectarines?”
“How should I know? Check the database.”
“I can’t use the chip.”
Tellick frowned and blinked. “No. All the peach species died out centuries ago. They were too fragile to withstand climate change.”
Lucius wanted more than anything to come home. He would wait, though, wait and see what happened, even though it was fairly predictable. Personally, I wished that he’d give up. He was exhausting our resources, and he’d soon become depressed. Lucius has a kind heart. I didn’t want him to have to see the battle. I didn’t really want to see it either.
He looked restlessly around the room. The constriction of Clive’s senses added to his frustration. He couldn’t really sense anything outside, and the small, windowless apartment was little better than a nul-chamber. I felt a stab of fear. At least he had Tellick for company – not exactly good company, but someone.
« He can feel us, » said Dermot, « even if he can’t hear us that well. And he can feel that Tara is with us. »
« If we all shouted at once, » said Tarlach, « we could probably get through. »
« Wait, » said Owen. « Look in the corner. Isn’t that a Skarsium crystal? »
We had to wait for Lucius to look in that direction again. And indeed it was, an old, cracked pos-matter crystal.
« Oh, Clive wanted to study it, » said Tara. « I gave him one of the burnt-out ones from the power grid. »
« Are you sure that was wise? » asked Mickey.
« It’s not like Terrans don’t know about them, » said Tara. « Remember the plot when Traeger tried to get hold of the Skarsium mine? »
« Can we do something with a power crystal? » asked Owen.
« Doubtful, unless you have some way of shooting nul-energy through a wormhole, » said Ethan.
« Teleport? » asked Lugh.
« Teleport can’t transmit nul-energy, » said Barnabas. « And we could only teleport something tiny, like fokkerflies, for that distance. »
« We can’t send energy, but maybe the Quicknodes can? » said Tara. « We know they can transmit communications. »
« We need to talk to Thoughtful 45, » said Owen. « That means getting Lucius to come back. »
« All right, let’s all try in unison, » said Patrick. « One, two, three…»
LUCIUS
Lucius
luciuslucius
LOOOSHIUS
Come home
Lucius home home
HOME NOW
Lucius
“Man,” said Lucius. “My ears are ringing.”
“Strain from possessing Rivers perhaps,” suggested Tellick. “You know, there’s no point in your staying. It will play out as it will.”
Lucius sagged. Tellick was trying to get rid of him. But there was no way was he leaving, despite the sudden urge to go home.
« He’s feeling it, but he doesn’t trust his instincts, » said Tarlach. « That’s probably a result of struggling against the influence of other minds. He needs therapy. »
« We don’t even know if our idea would work, » said Barnabas. « Sending a communication signal is very different from transmitting power. »
« But if it did, it would solve so many problems, » said Owen. « We really need to know. »
« Even if Lucius did come back, he might be too weak to attempt another possession so soon, » said Lugh. « You guys tend to forget how hard this is on him. »
« Can’t you emanate me? » asked Tara. « I could ask Thoughtful 45 for help. »
« We’d need the mothman to do that, » said Dermot. « That would mean Lucius would have to transform, and he’d need to return first. »
« How about Jamey? » suggested Owen. « Maybe he can telesend a message to Lilith. »
I can’t, said Jamey. I’d have to be emanated in order to talk to someone outside of the pleroma.
« Wait, » said Tara. « Tarlach, give me your datapad. »
He looked at her quizzically, but handed it to her.
« I’m always freaked out by the way you can transfer data from this into the material world, » Tara explained. « But Lilith is continually running a Thoughtful 45 app on her datapad. If I message her from this one, Thoughtful should have access to it. »
We were all impressed with her reasoning. In a few minutes, Lilith barged into the room. “Here’s the deal,” she said. “The Quicknodes will do it this once, as long as the story doesn’t get around the Combine, or they’ll look like they’re trying to undermine the SongLuminants. Which they are, but never mind. But the transmission has to be sent and received by a Quicknode, or at least a Quicknode app. Eradicator could use the grid linkup from the rabbit hole at Arthvea, and – we’re in luck on this one – there’s an automatic trigger at Memehaven for communications capsules, so we can open a wormhole to Sol on remote. The problem is that there has to be a Quicknode at the end of the wormhole to receive the energy and redirect it to the crystal in Clive’s flat.”
« If the Quicknodes are capable of transmitting nul-energy through wormholes without a crystal grid, we could, in theory, supply power anywhere, » said Cüinn. « We just need more Archons to increase the energy influx from the nul-universe. »
« And we need more orchards to change nul-matter into nul-energy, » I mused.
« Can we please focus on the problem at hand? » said Tara. « We need to get a Quicknode app to Terra. »
“I know what you’re thinking, even if there is a little bit of drool at the corner of your mouth,” said Lilith. “Geez, Dad. I’d wipe it off, but it will mess up your cavitation bubbles. Anyway, you’re wondering if a Quicknode can get to Terra, and the answer is that if the nearest one helps out, it will be at least seven hours before it arrives.”
« Tara, ask Lilith about the minimum size for a Quicknode app, » said Owen. « If it’s small enough, maybe we could teleport it. »
« We’d need someone to carry it, » said Ethan. « We never got the cargo model from the Floatfish, and we never got around to reverse-engineering it. »
« Strap it to the back of a fokkerfly, » suggested Suibhne.
« Fokkerflies need oxygen, » said Davy. « They have internal combustion engines. »
« Just equip this one with an oxygen storage tank, » said Malachi. « It’s not a difficult design. »
Lilith started to laugh. “Thoughtful, Dad wants to know if you could fit a Quicknode App on the back of a fokkerfly.”
« That sounds like some kind of ontological speculation, » said Seth.
“A very stripped-down app could be put onto a nanochip,” said Thoughtful. “But I’m a distributed system. Something that small could only handle the barest minimum of my functionality at any given time, and there would be considerable lag if it needed my greater processing capacities.”
Tell him that it just has to send energy to that crystal, said Jamey. Maybe ten minutes, that’s all.
Lilith messaged Lady Lorma. “I need you to go over to the Atlas Tree and bring back a fokkerfly.”
“You mean those disgusting little airplanes, Princess Lilith? How am I supposed to catch one of those?”
“German heavy benzene. They should be able to synthesize it at the garage. Ask Malik, Premma’s husband.”
« Now we’ve still got to get a message to Lucius, » said Mickey. « He’s really out of it. »
« Ask Marty, » suggested Constantine. « There must be Twist in the area. »
« Despite their size, the Twist aren’t subtle, » said Mickey. « We don’t want to tip off Tellick about our plan. »
« There’s another consideration, » said Quennel. « The Quicknodes are doing us a big favor, but they’re crossing the SongLuminants. The Twist have always been close allies, but let’s not drag them into this too if we can avoid it. »
« I think that maybe I could get through to him, » said an unfamiliar voice.
He was blond, bearded, with a bandana tied rakishly around his head. « Pirate, » he explained. « Or actually, I prefer the term privateer. I thought an eyepatch would be a little much. »
« Benbow! » exclaimed Dermot. « But how can you be in here? You’ve never emanated. »
« All of you are in here, » he said. « It seemed the social thing to do. »
« But no one’s ever manifested within the pleroma before physically emanating. »
« Never mind that, » said Mickey. « How do you think you can get through to Lucius? »
« I’m a seasoned traveler, » said Benbow. « Nice universe you have here, by the way. »
« You remember the nul-universe? »
« I’d rather forget, even though it’s my point of origin. What a dull place! »
« You’re preaching to the converted, » said Briscoe.
« I have to admit that it was better than the whoops universe, » Benbow continued. « You can’t go two meters without falling into a wormhole there. »
« You’ve been in other universes? » said Malachi incredulously.
« Many of them. I told you that I was a seasoned traveler. »
« But this whoops universe – are you having us on? » said Ethan. « With all of those wormholes, it couldn’t be stable. »
« It wasn’t. It collapsed into the universe next to it, but I managed to escape into the octagonal green and softness universe. It did something strange to me which caused me to form a protective coating, kind of like what you would call a force bubble. After centuries of exploring, I chanced upon a stable wormhole heading back home to the nul-universe. I had no idea that it was being generated by a sentient life-form. Actually, I was quite surprised to discover that consciousness had somehow attached itself to matter. What a trick! Pretty useful in universes that have entropy, though. Keeps you from losing your mind, if you know what I mean. »
« I repeat, » said Mickey, « how do we get through to Lucius? »
« I think I see what he’s doing, » said Benbow. « There’s no way I could make those cavitation bubbles myself, but it should be possible to follow the flow through the quantum tunnel. »
« I don’t see any way of doing that, » said Owen.
« That’s because your consciousness isn’t encapsulated the way mine is. I’m more of a particle, while you’re more like self-propagating wave-forms. »
« Benbow, » said Tara, « are you sure this is safe? »
« Getting there should be no problem. But if it screws up, I might end up stuck inside of Rivers. »
« That’s horrifying, » said Lugh. « I don’t even think we should consider it. »
« I’m a privateer, » said Benbow. « Boarding vessels is what I do. »
By this time, Lilith had returned. “The chip is all set,” she said. “We’re waiting for Lady Lorma.”
Tara put her hand on Benbow’s arm. « I’ve barely met you, and you’re putting yourself at risk, » she said. « And there’s something I’d like to ask you. In private. »
« According to the orientation guide, you can do anything you like. »
She pulled him into her room, closing the door behind her. Tara sat in the center of her enormous bed which bore the duvet of her childhood years, chintz printed with pink roses and white lillifers. It made her look as though she was sitting in a sea of flowers – or, as Driscoll says, a sea of frosting. It’s in rather appalling taste.
« Yes, well, » she began. « Why did you want to join, um, join…»
« Your harem? »
« The grove. »
« My entire existence so far has consisted of going where circumstances dictated. I recognized in Ashtara an unshakable sense of direction and an amazing ability to navigate. So I boarded his ship. »
« You do understand where this is heading? »
« Doesn’t matter. Wait, I take that back. It didn’t matter when I signed on. But now, it’s obvious that it was my inevitable fate to do so since you are the axis of all possible universes. »
Tara sighed, folding her arms. « Look, I know this is a difficult question, but it’s one I’ve struggled with for decades. Ash is such an incredibly evolved being, and sometimes I think he’s quite mad for basically dedicating his entire existence to me. »
Tommy opened his mouth, but I shook my head sternly. Privacy was impossible, but at least we could feign a sense of privacy by not interfering.
« Believing is better than not believing, as long as the belief system is productive and not harmful. Consider also that Ashtara defines productive as ‘Getting closer to achieving Tara’s destiny,’ and harmful as ‘causing pain or destruction to sentient life.’ I myself would’ve defined productive as anything which was interesting and felt good. But what did I know? I was alone. I actually realized that others existed, but it never even occurred to me to try to communicate with them. What a moron! No wonder I went nowhere. But I’m going places now. »
« As long as it’s somewhere you want to go. But it seems so strange for you to decide that you have feelings for me. »
« Feelings? » Benbow wandered over to the window and peered outside. I had never been inside of Tara’s private bedroom, but from what Tarlach has said, it’s a perfect replica of her room when she was seventeen years old. The window looked over the gardens. In the distance was Capital City.
« Right now, I’m getting used to sensory impressions, » Benbow continued. « I’d be completely lost, if it weren’t for the orientation session. But nobody asked me to have feelings. They asked me to have n’aashet n’aaverti – which is something quite easily decided upon. »
« Then you’re not in love with me. »
« I’m not even sure what that means, or if it’s even important. »
« You idiot! » yelled Whirljack. « That’s the wrong answer! »
Tara frowned, shooting a dirty look at the closed door. « It was an honest answer, » she replied. « I’m not certain if I’m disappointed or relieved, but I’m grateful for the honesty. »
« Why? »
« What? »
« Why would you be grateful? What would be the point of misrepresenting information? »
« Lucius has the same problem, » muttered Mickey. « That’s how we got screwed into this situation. »
The door opened – the door, that is, into the foyer. It was Lady Lorma. Her dress was ripped, and mud was smeared down the side of her face. “Catch a fokkerfly,” she muttered. “Easier said than done.”
« I’ve never had a problem, » said Suibhne. « But you catch more fokkerflies with castor oil than with petrol. »
Cillian knocked at Tara’s door. « Hate to disturb you, baby, but this is going down. We need Benbow. »
« It’s okay, » said Benbow. « It’s the first time I’ve ever been useful. It’s the first time I’ve ever been a participant and not just an observer. Also, it’s the first time anyone cared what happened to me. I think I might be having an emotional response to all of this. »
“Where do we find a teleport?” asked Lilith.
“RR Labs,” Tara typed into the datapad.
« Tell her to ask for Martin, » said Cillian. « He’s used to weird-ass shit. »
Benbow emerged into Daniel’s room. « Here’s the deal. Those cavitation bubbles are dropping through a quantum tunnel. I can jump into the stream, but I’m not sure that when Lucius stops the transmission, I can return. Thing is, his consciousness hasn’t actually left his body – it’s a one-way transmission. So if I don’t see you guys again, it was fun while it lasted. »
« Benbow, wait, » said Wynne. « Bump fists. »
« Why? »
« For luck. You’ll need it. »
Suddenly, Benbow was gone. Lucius-Rivers lurched forward in his chair.
« Yo, I’m Benbow. »
Who the fuck is Benbow? asked Rivers.
« Benbow? » said Lucius. « You’re the cube, right? I was emanated when you were absorbed. But how did you get here? »
« Through the quantum tunnel you opened by using sonoluminescence. But we’ve more important matters to discuss. »
No, wait, said Rivers. I want to hear about this. Am I to understand that a packet of nul-energy was sent through a quantum tunnel?
« That is pretty incredible, » said Lucius. « But why? »
« OK, let’s see if I’ve got the story straight. They’re teleporting a fokkerfly with a Quicknode app on a chip strapped to its back at the exit point of a wormhole into this system. Then the Quicknodes are sending energy from the power crystal at the Arthvean rabbit hole through the communications relay point at Memehaven and out a wormhole here, where hopefully the fokkerfly will accept the transmission and redirect it to the burnt-out Skarsium crystal sitting on the counter behind the trans-universal flux meter in the corner. That should provide you with a source of nul-energy for your alchemy. You’ll have ten minutes to do something impressive to stop the war. »
Are you on neurologically damaging psychoactives? asked Rivers. That’s the most whacked-out idea I’ve ever heard.
« That’s how we roll, » said Lucius. « Man, I wish I had Aran to help me think of something good. He always comes up with things capable of causing bladder incontinence in humans. »
Lucius, you aren’t seriously considering this, are you? This is my body we’re talking about here. My body. I can’t do alchemy.
« There’s no physical difference between a human being and a human emanation, » said Lucius. « It’s just a matter of being able to consciously connect with the energy and having a precise enough sensorium to control it. The second is actually the problem. How can I alter molecules if I can’t even sense them? »
The idea is ridiculous. The Alliance fleet will be in orbit in twenty minutes. Just call in the Hreck and go home.
« The Quicknodes’ transmissions can move through the wormholes at near light speeds, » said Benbow. « You should get your energy boost in around nine minutes. »
Lucius got up casually and strolled over towards Rivers’ desk. “Were you serious about converting to Archonism?” he asked Tellick.
“How much will you pay me?”
“I’d have to discuss that with the Archbishop. We usually don’t pay our missionaries.”
“Making them immortal isn’t payment? I heard about so-called Abbot Deverre.”
“Oh, Abbot Deverre was made immortal for a few reasons. One of them was that he won a bet. Another is that my wife’s ex-boyfriends always get preferential treatment. She has a soft side.”
“What are you going to do with that damaged Skarsium crystal?” asked Tellick.
« You’re not really subtle, » said Benbow.
You’re not subtle at all, said Rivers. And Tellick is no fool.
“I don’t know that I can do anything,” said Lucius, picking it up and weighing it in his hand. “It’s pretty burnt-out, and useless without a power source. But I don’t have any better ideas.”
“In a way, I’m disappointed, Ashtara. But this arrangement won’t work out altogether badly for either of us. You might lose status in the Combine, but if you play your cards right, you can look like a hero in the Domha’vei – the God who returned the straying Earthers back into humanity’s fold.”
« Carbon dioxide, » thought Lucius. « There’s a lot of it, and it’s the first thing that any plant would recognize. »
What? said Rivers.
« I’m excited to see how this alchemy thing works, » said Benbow.
« Ugh, » replied Lucius, « just remember I’m a Goliath emanation. For some reason, most of us suck at alchemy. You should watch a real master, like Patrick or Ailann. Ailann’s level of control is unbelievable. »
“Can you sense where the fleet is with that chip?” asked Lucius.
“Certainly,” said Tellick. “It’s rated for top security access. I can see all our military data. Let me show you.”
Lucius dropped to the ground, howling.
“Sorry, sorry,” said Tellick, in a tone that showed he wasn’t sorry at all. “I forgot you couldn’t use Clive’s chip. Well, it will be a few minutes before it stops. There’s a lot of data to access.”
Fuck this, said Rivers. I’m going to be bruised all over if you don’t stop twitching.
« It’s not like he can help it, » said Benbow.
Why isn’t it affecting you?
« Probably because my consciousness is self-contained in a sort of force bubble, » said Benbow. « Which means that I can access that data. Wow. This is nifty. »
Keep your stinking hands, pods, energy tentacles, I don’t know, whatever, just keep them off my chip!
« Oh, look, I can access the communications net. Let’s try it. »
A holographic image of Benbow appeared in the center of the table. “Hey ho, citizens of Earth, this is Captain Benbow speaking, commissioned privateer of the Skarsian Matriarchy. It seems like you’re having a little trouble here, and I’ve been asked to assist. This message is to Admiral Thorncraft: turn tail and go home or things will get messy.”
Benbow, what are you going to do? Rivers asked.
« Hope that Lucius recovers soon. If not, something with carbon dioxide. At least I know exactly where those ships are now. What’s something easy I can make with carbon dioxide? »
Urea, said Rivers.
« Ooooh, » said Benbow. « Nitrogen-based fertilizer sounds so good right now. I’m a young branch, and I need my nutrients. »
I wasn’t being serious.
« But it would actually be fairly easy to synthesize from air…I could just grab some nitrogen and some hydrogen…wouldn’t even have to mess with building atoms, just tweaking some molecules. »
Tellick grabbed Lucius-Rivers by the hair. “Who is this Captain Benbow? And where is he? We’ve seen no new wormholes opened since the Alliance fleet came through…”
Lucius coiled in agony as the news of another wormhole opening came through the chip. A wormhole – but no ship.
“A false alarm,” said Tellick. “That was just a commhole from Memehaven.”
« I hope the fokkerfly is in place, » said Benbow. « If so we should be getting a transmission about now. »
The crystal glowed a faint blue, then turned a mucky brown. The surface began to sizzle.
Stop it! said Rivers. That crystal is defective. It can’t take any more stress.
Benbow clutched the crystal in his palm. Lucius-Rivers screamed.
« Sorry, » said Benbow. « Ailann will fix your hand when you get back to the Domha’vei. All right, here goes nothing. »
Another message came through on the holoprojector. This time it was Thorncraft. “Inhabitants of Earth, this is the Tigris. Prepare for…”
From behind him came a faint voice, “What’s that smell? Ammonia?”
“Are the waste-processing systems malfunctioning?”
“Sir, there’s a slippery precipitate forming on the consoles.”
This is undoubtedly the most impressive display of your power yet, said Rivers dryly.
The transmission clicked off abruptly. Benbow staggered to his feet. He still had about seven minutes of power left. “Turn on the transmitter,” he gasped.
Tellick did nothing. « Rivers, » barked Benbow, « I can’t afford to hurt Lucius more. Show me how to activate that transmitter, or you’re never setting foot in the Domha’vei again! »
Benbow felt his arm move as Rivers turned on the transmitter.
“This is Captain Benbow, and that was my warning salvo. If you do not return to your home system, I will continue the process of alchemically converting your atmosphere into urine. ‘Drowned in piss’ is hardly a glorious death, soldiers of the Alliance. Surrender or become the laughing stock of history.”
“That was fiendish,” said Tellick. “I salute you.”
“It was Rivers’ idea.”
Don’t tell him that! He’ll never understand!
« I was thinking lime gelatin, » Lucius moaned.
« Why not? » said Benbow. « Just for kicks. I’ve still got five minutes. »
“They’re leaving,” said Tellick. “The Alliance ships are leaving. How did you manage to send power here?”
“State secret,” said Lucius-Rivers.
“We need power,” said Tellick. “Badly. The war damaged 57% of the solar panels on the moon.”
“That’s unfortunate,” said Lucius.
“Surely, you can spare some resources for your new protectorate?” said Tellick.
“I’ll think about it. I’ll put it at the bottom of my agenda, after the Dolparessan Bovine Ranching Association’s petition to eradicate cownip. But for now, I’ve got to go home and get some rest.”
Wait, said Rivers, Tara will never approve that petition. RR-2 relies on cownip as a raw ingredient for Sparkle.
« Goodbye, » said Benbow. « It was nice meeting you. »
« What do you mean? » said Lucius.
« I’m not sure I can go home. »
Wait, what? said Rivers. You can’t leave him here in my head.
« We wouldn’t abandon you! » said Lucius. « We’ll figure out a way. We always do. »
Please let it be a way which does not involve synthesizing urea in my brain, said Rivers.
Back at Court Emmere, Lucius’ eyes opened, and he jerked forward so abruptly that Lady Lorma and Lilith took a quick step backwards. “Milord,” Lorma began, but Lucius had already thrown himself into the air. The mothman barely flickered into view before he collapsed – into the figure of Benbow. At the same time, Tara reappeared.
« It worked, » said Wynne. « Quantum entanglement. I was betting on it. »
“Wow,” said Benbow. “Is this what it’s like to be incarnate? I feel awful.”
« Exhaustion, » said Lucius. « A nice warm bath of RootRiot will help. »
“Tara?” gasped Lilith. “Where did you come from?”
“I was along for the ride,” she replied. “And what a ride it was. You aren’t going to believe how Benbow stopped the Alliance fleet. Oh, this is Benbow, by the way. The first person to say ‘another one?’ gets kicked in the ribs.”
*****
Benbow was soaking in the bath when Raoul came in. “The Convocation has tentatively accepted Claris. Aidenne is taking over as the leader of the Cu’enmerengi, but there’s the matter of the Cu’enashti leader. You should do it.”
“That’s strange,” said Benbow. “Everyone in here thinks that you should.”
“I’m a simple artist,” said Raoul. “I have no ambitions.”
“That’s why they think you should do it. That, and you have Patrick’s sense of tact.”
“And everyone will know that you’re taking orders from your father,” said Tara, “so they’ll follow you.”
“Mauve has petitioned for the Cu’ensali to join the Convocation,” said Raoul. “It seems that they’re split about 50/50 between those who want to go home, and those who want to stay in nul-matter homes.”
“Do it now, while I’m emanated,” said Benbow. “The destruction of all those trees will be much harder on the older emanations, especially Ailann and Jamey. I haven’t really had time to get used to being a tree.”
“Where is your branch?” asked Tara.
“Um, Circinus? Next to Vassali. It’s a pretty exciting universe.”
“Thank goodness. I was worried that you’d have to grow a new tree.”
“If we have to supply power to Earth, though, we might as well grow one there,” Benbow replied. “But that’s for other heads to worry about.”
“Raoul, can you leave this for another time?” asked Tara. “Benbow has had a tough day saving humanity, and I think he might like something to eat, or perhaps a drink.”
“Oh wow. I have to obtain energy by breaking down matter? But why can’t humans just use the starlight directly, like the trees do?”
“The only answer I can give you is that we weren’t designed; we evolved. Animals are basically parasites which steal the life force of plants. That’s one reason why I’ve never been able to imagine why people think that vegetarianism is ethical. However, the upside is that food, whether made from the corpses of unfortunate animals or plants, is a pleasant sensory experience.”
“It seems that the grove can provide me with an intuitive grasp of the concept of food. If I understand this correctly, I should be able to avoid the whole ethical issue by eating only fruits and dairy products?”
“Humans obtain other nutrients necessary for proper bodily function through the process of eating.”
“Can’t I alchemically synthesize them?”
“Fair enough. How about a cheese and fruit platter? I’ll order a bottle of wine, too. I assume you’d prefer that to grain spirits.”
Tara called for Lady Lorma while Benbow relaxed in the bath. « Don’t worry about the crinkly toes, » said Tannon. « It isn’t root rot. »
« You did very well today, » said Rand. « The only thing is that the answer to whether you love Tara is always yes. »
« But how do I know if I love her? »
« Is this going to work? » asked Tommy. « I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy and all…»
« He’s too useful for it to not work, » said Whirljack.
« Give him some time, » said Vassali. « It’s really confusing for those of us who were alone. »
Benbow climbed slowly out of the bath and stood beneath the drier. Lady Lorma came into the suite, immediately pressing her datapad into Tara’s hands. “Which design do you think is better?”
She was looking at wedding dresses. “I’d like a wine, cheese and fruit selection,” Tara replied. “Also, the third one from the left.”
“Do you think it’s too late in my life to wear red?”
“You’ve never been married before. I don’t see why not.”
Benbow threw on a robe and joined them in the reception room. “I like red,” he offered.
“Skarsian women wear red to symbolize passion for their youthful marriages,” explained Lady Lorma. “They tend to wear black in later life.”
“Why black?” asked Benbow.
“It’s traditionally a color of solemnity and mourning,” Tara explained. “The idea is that the only reason a woman would tie herself to one man is that she is either in the grips of passion, or she is obligated for economic or political reasons, or she is near to death and wants a partner to look after her.”
“I see.”
“You know, I wore black when I married Patrick,” Tara mused. “I thought it was going to be a political marriage. I really should’ve worn red. Lady Madonna, I think you should go with passion if you fancy it.”
“You looked lovely in black,” Lady Lorma replied. “Much better than that awful taupe Merkht made you wear.”
“My first husband,” Tara explained to Benbow. “Loathsome creature that he was. Volparnian tradition is that the color of the wedding dress symbolizes the bride’s degree of sexual experience. A strange custom, but even stranger is that the most valuable brides wear white to signify their lack of experience.”
All three broke into laughter.
“Volparnians just aren’t very bright,” said Lady Lorma. “Are you sure that Ta’al Erich will make a good vizier?”
“Let’s not have any ethnic slurs,” Tara said. “Volparnians aren’t stupid, only ignorant. Ta’al Erich is a progressive.”
“You’ve changed. You used to say that Volparnian men are pigs.”
“That was when I was married to one. I suppose memory fades with time.”
“Does it?” said Benbow, shocked. “I didn’t think so.”
“Yours doesn’t. The human brain isn’t as efficient.”
He points at his head. “This is weird, this brain thing. Too easy to damage. You really need to investigate solid state.”
“Prince Benbow! That’s heresy!” said Lady Lorma, clearly scandalized.
“Why don’t you just move your consciousness someplace safer?”
“Actually, I suppose I did.”
“Oh, the trees. It’s better, but they could still be destroyed. I suppose anything made of matter could be. Maybe we should look for a safer universe.”
“Well, we like this one. I thought you did, too.”
“It’s the best one I’ve seen so far, but there are a lot of universes out there. I don’t think we should limit our options.”
“Lady Madonna, could you please get us that cheese plate?”
At the door, Lady Lorma grabbed Tara by the sleeve. “He’s adorable, this Prince Benbow. Maybe the best of the recent lot, although Prince Briscoe is pleasant and useful. Honestly, I’m not sure what to make of Princes Darius, Rain, Tannon and Vassali. They all seem a bit off.”
“I think that they all have their own unique attractions,” Tara protested.
“Just as long as they don’t bring animals into the palace, I suppose,” Lady Lorma replied. “I don’t know what was worse, Prince Davy with the flying sucksow or Prince Manasseh and the dobergator incident.”
“I’m glad I decided against the parrot,” said Benbow, when she had gone. “Driscoll is trying to talk me into a wooden leg. He said it would be a statement, outrage the conservatives, etc. I think I’ll pass.”
“You seem to have tolerably good sense,” Tara replied. “Also, she was right. You are adorable. I’m still a bit at sea about whether you’re my husband, or if you even want to be my husband. I suppose according to Nau’gsh Law you are, since Ash emanated you. Ross really needs to update that disclosure agreement.”
“There was nothing about it in the orientation module. I think it was basically assumed that I would be. Tarlach says that there is such a thing as a companion emanation, but they never expected to emanate one, and that he thinks I’ll be socially ostracized if I am.”
“That’s true. I can only imagine your trading card.”
“My what?”
“You’ll find out soon enough. Also, if you have no opportunity to pollinate, you won’t make any friends. Why don’t we just share some wine and get to know each other?”
Lady Lorma served the cheese tray to Tara and Benbow, as they sat on the verandah. It was a lovely Dolparessan day, and a gentle breeze blowing down the coast ruffled the silk of his bandana. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” he asked.
“You just did.”
He blinked. “Did I misunderstand the idiom?”
“No, I’m yanking your chain. Ask anything you’d like.”
“What’s the big deal about sex?”
Tara nearly spit out her wine.
« We need to put in more work on that orientation module, » said Tommy.
« We didn’t include things we thought would be obvious, » said Tarlach.
“The other emanations are on about it constantly, and I’m not sure why. It’s a reproductive act, right? But according to them, you don’t seem to be interested in having offspring. So why do we devote so much effort to it?”
Tara brooded in silence. Then she grabbed his chin and stared directly into his eyes.
“There’s no mistake,” she said. “You’re Ash. I suppose this is like when I first met Manasseh, and he had the bizarre idea that as a prophet, he had to keep himself pure. And I suppose that the best approach to dealing with the situation is the same – a demonstration.”
“Tarlach is saying that in the interest of science and my smooth integration into the pleroma, he intends to mentor me personally.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Also, Tommy is preparing a tutorial.”
“You can learn as you go,” she said, worming her hand under his robe.
“That’s quite remarkable,” he said, staring at his crotch. “It didn’t react that way when I washed it in the bath.”
“This will work better if we remove our clothing.”
“Yes, from the information I’m getting, that does seem to be the preferable mode, although Tommy is also advising me of the possibility of a quickie in the closet.”
“An advanced technique,” said Tara, tugging him back inside the Ipsissimal suite. “For now, let’s just use the bed.”
Following her lead, Benbow laid himself next to her. “There seems to be a certain ergonomics involved in the design. I’m wondering, however, why the release mechanism isn’t simply volitional?”
“The design philosophy is very efficient. Most body components and systems have multiple functions. For example, a single passageway is used to obtain nutrients, water and oxygen. Similarly, sexual activity is not merely reproductive, but also serves as a means of relaxation and has an important pair-bonding function.”
“Dermot says that it’s most important function is energy-exchange between two systems of consciousness. You know, I have an overwhelming impulse to move.”
“You should go with that.”
“I’m…I’m starting to see the point of this…”
“Uh huh. You know, it’s exciting to have a lover with a certain naiveté for a change. Most of Ash’s emanations seem to have an inherent knowledge of every position in Jazkitt’s Erotica Database.”
« Of course, » scoffed Mickey. « Trees wouldn’t get very far if they needed a manual on how to find sunlight. »
“This is amazing,” said Benbow. “So amazing that I seem to be hallucinating. I have a vision of tiny antique airplanes strafing the centers of flowers.”
“No, that’s real. It’s the fokkerflies come to pollinate you, probably from Tarlach.”
« There really is no point in wasting a good opportunity, » said Tarlach. « You’ll be happy when you have fruit. »
Benbow threw himself back into the pillows. “What a strange existence, this bifurcation,” he said. “A part of my body is in a completely different galaxy, and it’s of a completely different order of being.”
“Are you sorry you signed on?”
“No, not at all! Oh, Tommy is saying that I gave the wrong answer again. The right answer is ‘I don’t know yet. We’d better screw another time to make sure.’’”