I was him. I was Hyde. It wasn’t just sharing my thoughts and feelings. I felt what he felt.
I couldn’t help myself.
« Of course not, » says Patrick, stroking my hair. « The lives we have inside of the pleroma are secondary compared to joining with the Chosen. Some learn to resist it, but it’s rare, and for the most part, pointless. »
Oliver coughs. « I’m sorry…I, ah… »
He’s naked and tangled around Patrick. Patrick smiles. He’s not the least bit embarrassed. Oliver looks up at him, and it’s clear from his expression that he belongs to Patrick. And then I realize that I also have my arms wrapped around Patrick. « It’s all right, » he says. « It’s just how we are. »
As we straighten out our clothing, I hear a roaring sound in the distance. I look up to see a rather startling apparition: a giant, flying robot. I stumble backward onto the ground.
I can feel the little irregularity of a public chatburl whirling into wood. I see you, says Chase. But I’m not going to be able to land this thing in the jungle. I’ll set down at the edge of the Mental Reserve.
Look for Pallav and Cyrus, says Patrick. We’ll find the others and bring back Julian.
It seems farther back to our little camp than it did to get here. « It probably is. The pleroma wanted us to be together for mating, » says Patrick. « Apparently, it doesn’t want us to have an easy time saving Julian. »
« Why? » I ask. « I’ve been searching the branches, but I still can’t find anything that makes sense of the quest achievements. »
« I don’t think they do make sense, » says Oliver. « But there has to be a better way to bring new emanations into existence. »
« I wish it could be like Hyde, getting the achievement immediately. »
« That isn’t something we could’ve planned, » says Patrick. « We don’t really understand how to fulfil all of the achievements. But we could’ve helped you a lot more. We could’ve given you some guidance. »
« Malachi wanted us to suffer, » says Oliver. « That sounds a lot more sadistic than it is. So many of us suffered in the past, I think he was afraid that not suffering would make us different, maybe less able to serve Tara. »
« I think if I and I wants you to suffer, you’ll suffer, » says Patrick. « I don’t think we need to make it worse through some kind of glamorized hazing. »
Finally, I recognize the clearing at the top of the hill. I can smell them long before I can see them. I run on ahead to check on Julian. He smells like his fever has gotten worse.
« Opportunistic microbes, » I hear Patrick mutter. « Makes about as much sense in the pleroma as having a customs official. »
Templeton runs to meet me. Then he sees Patrick. He’s startled for a moment; then he looks at me again. And at Oliver, and then at me.
He gets it. He knows who is in and who is out.
He walks by me, walks up to Patrick. « You’re one of the Archons, aren’t you? »
Patrick is taken aback. « No. An Archon is something else. I’ll never be one. But you’re picking up on something different, a way in which I’m similar to the Archons you met. »
Templeton looks at me. « And Theo is like you now. »
« Yes, » says Patrick. « I won’t lie to you. »
Templeton’s jaw is set firmly against betraying his own distress. But I can see that almost imperceptible twitch of the muscles; I can smell the sorrow pouring out of him. « Why? Why did you take him from us? »
Patrick is horrified. « That’s not… »
« Then why can’t you explain to me what’s going on? »
« Because you’re a child, » says Oliver.
His statement is a shock to me. « You’re a child, » he repeats. « That’s all it is. When I hatched, they explained it all to me, and I still didn’t understand. It only confused me. When I became an adult, I understood perfectly. »
For a moment, Templeton looks furious. His pride is hurt. But after a moment, he says, « Let’s take care of Julian. » He starts walking swiftly back to the camp.
He accepts it. He accepts it because it’s logical, and it’s probably the nearest thing to the truth that he could comprehend.
« That was really good, » says Patrick to Oliver. « You have a promising future as a diplomat. »
Julian’s head is propped in Roan’s lap. Sweat soaks the rainbow streaks in his hair. « Theo? » he moans.
« I’m back. We brought help. »
Patrick crouches near him. « I’m not as good at healing as Ailann, » he says. « I’m not sure I want to risk making this worse. But I can certainly help the pain. »
He places his hand on Julian’s forehead. Julian gasps; his pupils dilate. « Better? » Patrick asks. When Julian nods, he says, « Let’s get him to the mecha. »
Templeton wants to carry Julian. « He’s light. I can manage. » I shake my head. Templeton’s body is built to be stronger than mine, but right now, I’m much stronger than he is, and I won’t tire. I gather Julian up gently, asking Roan to support the wounded shoulder until I can position his head snugly against my neck.
« Dermot wants us to take this, » says Patrick. He picks up the artifact, the chalice with the weird lettering. « Maybe someone back at New Merenis will know what it is. Maybe Seth – it looks occult. »
And then it’s suddenly easy to find our way back to the edge of the forest. Three people are waiting next to the giant robot; I recognize one of them – Chase. « I had a hard time landing, » he says. « It’s tougher than it seems to get through a mental reserve. »
« We’ve got a logistical problem, » says Templeton. « This monstrosity only seats six. »
« Yeah, that’s true, » says Chase. « One in each of the cockpits. »
« Well, we’re going to Ophionia anyway, » says Patrick. « Theo and Oliver and I. »
We are?
« Theo? » says Julian weakly. « Don’t go. »
« We’ve got someone else to retrieve, » says Patrick. « But you’re hurt. You need to get back to civilization. »
I kiss Julian on the forehead. « I’ll see you soon, » I tell him. He doesn’t look like he believes me. I don’t think he knows quite what to believe.
We walk for quite some distance in a mental fog. Finally, we emerge into a marshy area with our goal – the train platform – in sight. « It’s not as easy as it looks, » says Oliver. « You have to stay focused. If you let your thoughts wander, you’ll end up in a quagmire. »
« Here, » says Patrick. He takes my hand in his left, Oliver’s in his right. « We’re in this together, » he says.
Oliver smiles. It’s so clear that Oliver adores Patrick. It’s hard not to – Patrick’s charisma is unnatural. I want to trust him, to believe every word he says.
If I weren’t so worried about Julian, it would be nice, walking with the two of them. I close my eyes and concentrate on getting to the train.
« Next stop, Ophionia, » says the conductor. Patrick and Oliver are still making out. I get the distinct impression that they wouldn’t mind if I joined in too, but something holds me back. A remnant of mental reserve, perhaps.
Soon the train pulls into the station. As we get out onto the platform, Oliver points. « The bud buildings have grown! And there are new buds, too. »
I can feel X’khaim in the library building that Oliver indicates. But as we walk towards it, the world turns blue. Thinking stops – it’s not like we lose consciousness; more like it is thrust into overdrive. Unfortunately, when the world returns to normal, the state of consciousness vanishes, with only the vaguest memory left, even in our branches.
« The emanation swapped, » says Patrick. His tone is very, very worried. « Hyde’s here. » He indicates a nearby building. It is squat, pointed, with thick, mortar-free stone walls and only a few tiny orifices to pass for windows. I feel claustrophobic just looking at it.
« Is that some kind of bunker? » I ask.
« More like a cloister, a cell for an anchorite, » Patrick answers.
The door opens slowly. Hyde peers through, as if trying to decide whether to come outside. « It’s called a borie hut. »
Patrick steps forward, extending his hand. « I’m Patrick. You must be Hyde. »
Hyde’s emotions are so loud he might as well be screaming. He’s pretty sure that Patrick’s friendliness is a façade, and that Patrick isn’t sure whether to trust Hyde or not. Hyde isn’t sure whether to trust Patrick – or me, or Oliver, for that matter. He’s not sure whether we’re lovers, allies or captors. He’s having a hard time negotiating the web of interrelationships tied up in our rootball because it isn’t really in his nature to do so.
Hyde emerges from the building and stares at his feet. « I’m really glad you’re here, » says Patrick. « It will be good to have you with us when we speak to X’khaim. You’re from Ophion, also. He can relate to you. »
« You’re using me, » says Hyde. « I just keep getting used. »
« It’s good to be of use, » says Oliver. « It means that you won’t be written off or discarded. »
Hyde looks at him, startled. Oliver seems to have a way of diffusing situations with absolute, insightful truth.
« That’s easy for you to say, » murmurs Hyde. « You’re a negotiator. For you, an entanglement is a victory. For me, it’s a defeat. »
But it’s a bluff. Hyde smells happy, warm at the thought of inclusion, proud of being useful. Patrick links arms with him, smiling. Patrick is mind-blowingly handsome, and when Hyde looks at Patrick’s beautiful face, he sees his own eyes. His heart drops to his feet. There’s no way he can win against Patrick, none at all. Patrick knows what move Hyde will make before Hyde even conceives of it.
Patrick is the kind of man who could convince you that selling your fruit was to your own advantage.
« The old ones are dangerous, » mutters Hyde.
Patrick laughs. « Wait until you meet Daniel. You’ll give him the bark off your branch. »
We walk over to the library. X’khaim opens the door, looking directly at Hyde. « You’re the one who bit her. You defeated yourself. It’s not like you emanated with a chip in your head, making you a pariah. »
Their eyes meet, and suddenly they remember – hell, I remember. Hyde’s flower opening, being pierced by the arrow of X’khaim’s pollen.
I was Hyde.
I was Hyde feeling the weight of Tara on top of me, the taste of her mouth, her sweat…
Hyde’s face flushes.
« Well, I don’t have anything against you, » X’khaim stammers breathlessly. « No sense in making you an enemy. I have enough of those already. »
« We were dicks, » says Patrick. « We’re sorry. »
« They did have a reason, » defends Oliver. « If Tara doesn’t like something… »
Patrick waves his hand dismissively. « Doesn’t matter. There’s always a reason for bad behavior. X’khaim doesn’t care about that. What he cares about is that we come up with a policy to keep it from happening again. Once someone is in the pleroma, he’s in. Even if Tara gets upset with him, we do our best to change that. Also, I note that Tara didn’t seem the least bit upset with our friend Hyde, despite the circumstances of their first meeting. So if we’re dicks to Hyde, it’s not going to improve X’khaim’s confidence in us, is it? »
And then I hear Cillian’s voice, Pat, it’s not as simple as you make it sound.
« Cillian, » says Patrick, « you know what? Shut it. »
The entire pleroma rocks with laughter. I can see Hyde is shaken. He’s starting to realize that he’ll never be alone again.
There are three guys who could get away with saying that and not get my fist down their throats – Patrick, Ailann and Daniel, snaps Cillian. So if the rest of you twig-offs don’t stop laughing, you’ll have hell to pay.
« Come on, » says Patrick. « Let’s join the others in New Merenis. Who is emanated now anyway? »
About that…says Cillian.
I reach out tentatively to see if I can gently slip into the experience of the emanation, learn to control my sharing. Suddenly, the world is chaos – wildly erratic surges of energy which alternately feel arousing and nauseating. It’s difficult to sort the stars out from the grains of dust under the sofa. In the distance a felinoid yowls, turns into a scary umbrella.
« Theo! » Patrick shakes me, and I’m doubled over, vomiting.
« What…what the… »
« It’s Tielo, » says Patrick. « The only way we could get enough power to swap emanations was to emanate Tielo. He’s the Archon of Yggdrasil, the only one powerful enough to draw surplus power directly from his tree without using the energy grid. Unfortunately, whenever he does that, he gets a little unstable. »
Tielo! My thoughts raced to the godlike man who had given me Tara’s letter, the one who had whispered his name into my ear. He was the first man I ever loved.
« We have to help him. »
« I don’t know that we can, » says Patrick. « But we might as well head back to New Merenis. »
X’khaim nods solemnly. « Something even more important has happened. Tara is inside of the pleroma. »