(Year 3610, Month 9, Day 2, Hour 9 Minute 07)
I stumbled from my quarters and plopped down into the captain’s chair without even bothering to do my hair. “This business of having Lucius control my body is exhausting. He doesn’t know how to move right. I’ve got muscles aching that I didn’t know I had.”
“Is there any indication of how long the Combine meeting will last?” asked Ireeni.
“Nope. I’m not too reassured by the natural life-spans of the participants, either. If I were a sentient rock, I wouldn’t be in any big hurry.” It was an infuriating situation. And yet…despite the fact that it had to be the biggest pain in my ass ever, it was also the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me. In my wildest dreams, I’d never imagined species like this. Well, maybe the mantis-thing. The mantis-thing looked like it stepped out of an ancient piece of speculative fiction. And the AI was something I could wrap my head around, except an AI developed by a pile of rocks – now that was different. How the hell did they build it without hands?
And what were the microscopic creatures – Phil, as he’d have it? Were they some kind of microbe? In order to be that small, it would have to be some kind of colony organism, except that I got a pretty strong sense of individualism on Phil’s part, much stronger that any of the others, except maybe the fish.
The weirdest one was probably the empathic light flicker fairy thing. The one without a name, or even a species name. If I keep mentally calling her empathic light flicker fairy thing, it’ll be awkward.
ELFF is a pretty adroit acronym, said Lucius.
Oh, it’s you.
You sound thrilled.
I sound resentful. And exhausted.
Well, I’m not even going to tell you about the night I had. Let’s get to the meeting.
Lucius did sound pretty testy this morning. He had seemed like a fairly easygoing guy yesterday, and I supposed it could have been a lot worse. Ashtara has a few emanations with reputations for being real assholes. Lucius is more-or-less okay. I found myself wondering if he was good-looking.
Just stop, he said. Don’t bother. After all the time you’ve spent living in the Domha’vei, you must know how it works.
Yeah, I know it wasn’t Chase’s fault he couldn’t screw me. You imprint on the first person you see.
Not exactly. It’s more like a person with an especially powerful subconscious mind calls out to us. It makes us aware of our own consciousness. Then we have to decide whether or not to answer the dream. If we do, we become Cu’enashti, with all the senses and powers of the nau’gsh, but completely focused on the human Chosen.
Wow. So in order to keep your power, you had to give up your individuality. Me, I would have done anything to stay free. I have. I can’t tell you how many shit jobs and bad situations I’ve dealt with so that I could be my own woman.
I suppose it sounds like that was the choice. But it wasn’t at all like that. Tara’s dream was the warmest thing the Mover had ever known. He just wanted to grow in its direction.
For some reason, the thought made me sullen. I don’t think a tree would ever grow in my direction. The best growth I could encourage was probably some sort of venereal disease.
We reached the chamber just as the meeting began. “Today, we decide exploitation rights for the as-yet unincorporated Galaxy 42.”
An anticipatory shiver ran across the surface of Poklok-kinniped. “Ze’s excited,” said Thoughtful 45. “Galaxy 42 has an unusual concentration of fascinating anomalies. I do have a procedural comment. Ashtara was unaware of the competition. Since the rest of us have had since the last meeting to prepare, he’s at a distinct disadvantage.”
“How long ago was that?” Lucius-me asked.
“Um, that would be, ah, 51.65 of your Galactic Standard Years.”
“Just a slight disadvantage,” Lucius-me said. The Mover isn’t even that old, but I’m not telling them that, he admitted to me. “I’ll just have to do my best. And what’s the competition?”
“Poetry contest.” At that, High Chancellor Matek Lopen *click* Bar Treven *click* Sanis Poltra *clickclick*happily snapped her mandibles. “She’s excited,” Thoughtful continued, “because it was her turn to suggest the means of decision-making. Her people excel at poetry.”
“Wow,” said Lucius-me. Who’d have thought? “What are the poems supposed to be about?”
Everyone looked at him blankly. Have you ever had a rock look at you blankly? It’s pretty depressing.
We’re assuming that everyone is looking at us blankly, said Lucius to me, but we can’t really see what Phil is doing.
“I’M LOOKING AT YOU BLANKLY,” said Phil.
“Phil,” Fllllllrrrrrrrrt hissed angrily.
“Sorry, sorry. Anyway, I forgot to tell you, I can hear your thoughts. Interesting conversations you’re having with that monkey girl.”
“Do you have any idea how overwhelmingly advanced Phil’s people are in order to overcome that level of sheer annoyingness?” injected Pftttrrrgmm.
Lucius-me smiled disarmingly. Blank blank blank, he thought.
“There is no restriction on content,” said Thoughtful helpfully, “since our idea of appropriate subjects for versification would be so diverse. Instead, the emphasis is placed on form. The poem is to be a ghr’lik *click* msht’ll – that is, four lines of five spoken syllables, each punctuated by a click, hiss, or other exclamatory sound. At the end is a concept, a sensory image, and a sentiment.”
“Since it was the High Chancellor’s contest, she should go first,” Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD said. “You can go last, if you like, in order to see examples before you submit your certain-to-be-pathetic offering. Since I’m the judge, I won’t participate.”
“Fair enough,” said Lucius-me.
What are you talking about? I raged. This is totally unfair!
We don’t even know what galaxy they’re talking about, or what the exploitation rights are. We can just observe – next time, we’ll be better prepared.
The High Chancellor made a low hissing noise, swaying gracefully in the air. The noises she made were rhythmic and unintelligible.
“Brilliant!” gasped Fllllllrrrrrrrrt. “A high standard to beat.”
“To translate such a work is an act of barbarism,” said Thoughtful. “Nevertheless, I shall attempt.”
The six-horned breevik *hiss*
Spends summer digging *hiss-click*
By autumn dryness *click click*
The nest collapses *thwack*
[The futility of affection]
[The taste of one’s last mate]
[Wistfulness]
“That’s amazing,” said Lucius-me, digging in my pocket for a stick of gum – the taste of the High Chancellor’s mate was a bit gamey.
“I might as well go next,” said Thoughtful. “I have to admit, poetry is not my strong suit.”
2 2 2 2 2 *whirr*
4 4 4 4 4 *hum*
6 6 6 6 6 *buzz*
8 8 8 9 8 *kerthunk*
[The beauty of asymmetry]
[The smell of thermal paste]
[Contentment]
“The nine is masterful,” said Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD.
“But the sentiment is crude,” Phil critiqued.
“It’s not my strong point,” said Thoughtful ruefully.
“We’re going to pass,” said Fllllllrrrrrrrrt. “We Brrrrrrrrrrrrvvbh are Philistines who don’t appreciate literature. Oh, and since we take last place by default, we get to determine the method for deciding exploitation rights for Galaxy 44.”
“A swimming contest,” proposed Hrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
“That’s a little fishy,” murmured Lucius-me.
“Poklok-kinniped will take zir turn now,” said Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD.
The rock changed color, from a dark gray to a burnt sienna. A slight ripple of current played across the surface. “I’m sorry, but I can’t begin to translate,” Thoughtful apologized. “Either you get it, or you don’t.”
“Art can be like that,” said Lucius-me. Who’s next?”
“Um, you know, her,” said Thoughtful. The ELFF flitted into the center of the room in a flurry of cascading rainbows. Her evanescent beauty was enough to evoke tears in the strongest of sentient beings. I was really starting to dislike her.
Water star shimmer *unbearably lovely music*
Storm rain blue runoff *sound of a pouring waterfall*
Dust sparkle crystal *angelic chorus*
Wind-leaning longing *sigh of heartbreaking tenderness*
[The harmony of all being]
[An indescribably stunning view of two galaxies rising over a rich, red canyon]
[A wrenching mixture of boundless joy and infinite compassion]
The whole performance was punctuated with gestures by the ELFF which made it seem as though her hands were dancing and the final image was spun out of her movements. Frankly, I thought the whole display was a little bit twee.
You’re just jealous, said Lucius.
“That would be the one to beat,” said Phil. “I’ll go next.”
Oooh boppa looba *clap*
Do-wop bop bop bop *clap*
Bippeta bomp bomp *clap*
Shimmy shimmy wop *clap*
[These contests are rigged]
[A ridiculous pose]
[Disgust]
“The problem with Phil,” said Pftttrrrgmm, “is that he doesn’t even know how to tactfully game the system.”
“I knew that allowing a ten-dimensional life-form into the Combine was trouble,” said Hrrrrrrrrrrrgh. “Living inside a Calabi–Yau manifold has got to warp one’s thinking.”
“You’re just jealous,” Phil countered. “It’s much better to be an articulate particle than a molecular lifeform. But let’s ask Ashtara, since he switches easily between fermionic and quasi-bosonic existence.”
“As I recall, this didn’t go so well for Tiresias,” Lucius-me murmured. “Can I do my poem instead?”
“Very well,” Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD assented.
“Um, this is by Lorcan.” I’m not sure this is really a good idea, added Lucius, under his breath. “It’s called ‘The Nature of Evil.’”
The wicked sun, e *silence*
-luding the exten *complete silence*
-sion of my leaves; I *no sound at all*
turn to embrace night. *the whisper of wind through trees*
[Transgression and incompleteness]
[The salt taste of tears]
[A newly-awakened fear of death]
The Floatfish nearly exploded in a fume of brightly glowing gasses. “That’s hilarious!” Hrrrrrrrrrrrgh gasped.
“Lorcan has the best sense of humor I’ve encountered outside of my own species,” Fllllllrrrrrrrrt agreed.
“It was a good try,” said Thoughtful, “but you misunderstood the form. The lines need to be completed in five syllables, and be punctuated by an ending sound.”
“On the contrary,” Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD replied. “He broke the form intentionally. The concept of the poem was transgression and incompleteness. The poem displayed innovation, adaptability and, as the Brrrrrrrrrrrrvvbh delegation will attest, a broadly slapstick sensibility. For embodying the values most prized by Advanced Sentients, Ashtara wins. Oh, and be careful of the Houl.”
“Aren’t the Houl that species that reproduces asexually, so each one contains the memories of all its ancestors?”
“Right. But they’re completely antisocial. They’d qualify for Combine membership, but they won’t have anything to do with us. They aced the evaluation by completely ignoring the Lords of the Inner Vent. Galaxy 42 is full of Houl, just so you’re aware.”
It’s a good thing I wasn’t in control of my own body, or I’d be hitting my head against the floor repeatedly. We had been totally rooked. How naïve was Lucius anyway?
“It sounds like they mind their own business. That makes them ideal neighbors,” said Lucius-me.
“It’s just that they emit radioactive isotopes that pretty much make the planets they colonize uninhabitable by anyone else,” said Fllllllrrrrrrrrt. “There was a definite upside when they refused to join the Combine.”
“That wouldn’t bother me,” said Phil. “The spacetime consistency ratio in that galaxy is a little dodgy though, making wormhole evocation a tricky business. Sorry, kid. I tried to warn you.”
“Poklok-kinniped says it could be worse,” translated Thoughtful. “Galaxy 43 is a real lemon.”
“We’re saving that one for someone we really don’t like,” said Phhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnv/SCD.