I remember the first thing I said when I unlocked the door. “Ash, you are such a manipulative bastard.”
“You were right about trust,” Daniel said. “And like Dermot said, there is an emanation which represents the flowering of perfect trust between us. His name is Anthony, and he’s half-me, half-Lorcan. But that isn’t what you need right now.”
Normally, the idea of combining Daniel and Lorcan would have seemed crackpot enough for it to have been Cüinn’s idea, not Davy’s. But I could see it. It made perfect sense. “He’s beautiful,” I said.
“Huh?” said Daniel. And then he noticed. He had been concentrating too hard on what he had planned to say to me, the apology that had never been necessary.
“You’ve taken Gyre,” he said. “Are you really that upset?”
“Yes,” I said. “No. Actually…I didn’t mean to lock you out. I didn’t want Lady Madonna or Lord Danak or Archbishop Venesti or any of that cast of thousands who would gossip that Tara’s gyring again. But that’s not what this is about. Anyway, I would’ve answered if I had known it was you. But for a while, my eyes and ears were too full. Aw, fuck. I’ve screwed it up with Wynne.”
I could see Daniel hastily trying to rearrange the pieces of his script. “Wynne promises he’ll be back soon,” he said. “I just thought that you needed me to say that all these years I’ve been selfish and a coward. It’s like Owen and Lugh. I can’t change what happened. I can’t make up for it. But we can move forward.”
Poor Daniel. All this was so obvious, but so difficult for him. I took his hand. “Remember when we were walking down the strand from Morley Point, and you stepped on a digger? You yelled so loudly I thought you had broken your foot. And when I saw what you’d done, I made fun of you for being afraid.”
“Actually, I was afraid I’d killed it. Although it was kind of slimy and gross. I had to heal it while we were walking away.”
“You healed the digger? Why? Some diggerhand was just going to find it and sell it to a restaurant. In fact, I made you eat chowdigger that night to prove you weren’t afraid.”
“I don’t know.” He scratched his head. It’s so cute when he does that, like maybe he’s hoping it will shake a few thoughts loose, like apples from his tree. “I guess I’m not a great moral thinker. I just go by feeling. I don’t like to kill things. But why bring that up now?”
Elma always said that the problem with Gyre was explaining it to people who were not on Gyre. “I took a very high dosage,” I said. “It isn’t about running away. It’s blue.”
“I didn’t run away. I just yelled when I heard it crunch.” I shook my head. “I’m lost,” he said. “Completely lost.”
“For prophecy. I need to see into your blue world, Ash. I need to get into your poison garden.”
Daniel swallowed hard. He tried to compose himself. He put his arm around me, guiding me back into the room while closing the door with his foot. “Tara,” he said, “you have to believe that an AI could never replace you.”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
“Um, no?”
“Look, Daniel. You healed the digger. And that’s why we need the friendship of the Quicknodes and the Twist. But there’s going to be a cost. Elma was right. You’ll be kicked out of the forest for good. Also, intergalactic war.”
“War? With CenGov?”
“Tellick. He’s in a secret society. We’d better set him straight once and for all.”
“Tellick is…wait, what?” Daniel tilted his head. “The Gyre you took was made from our apples.” When I nodded, he smiled. “I and I is happy, Tara. He wants you to tell us everything you see. I can feel it.”
“But I can only see it because he does.”
“He has no way of communicating it to us. Sometimes, if something really important is going to happen to you, we can see it. Otherwise, we’re in the dark about a lot of things.”
“All right. Let’s see. Lord Danak wants a meeting. We have to decide how to explain that outburst in the council chambers by…” I trailed off. My brain had locked. “Oh my god,” I said. “I can’t remember his name. The one who looks pretty much like Owen.”
“Barnabas.”
“Aw, shit. I’m sorry, Barnabas. Please tell Barnabas I’m sorry.”
“It’s our fault,” said Daniel. “We’ve had way too many emanations over the past year and a half. Mickey says he’ll make you a spreadsheet.”
“Can I have a nude calendar instead?” I turned to face him, placing my hand upon his chest. His heart was pounding rapidly. Daniel’s heart is always that way, like birds about to take flight. Ailann’s heart is low and steady, like a metronome in the core of a star. I could write a poem describing your heartbeats, Ash.
“Daniel,” I said, and then, “Ash.” And I started to laugh. I wondered if it was that same weird sound that Elma always makes. “I want to know how much you love me. Why don’t you ask Seth?”
“Words won’t do it,” he said.
“It’s okay. I can see the colors.” I laughed again. “Also, you have an erection.”
“I can’t help it,” he said, flushing. “I’m nineteen.”
“You were nineteen when you were nine. You were nineteen when you were forty.” I flopped back onto the bed. “Come on. Let’s make use of that youthful energy.”