I can sense that Javor and Isaac are on their way, but I can’t sense Tara. That’s wrong; the whole thing is wrong. That police car turned a corner and vanished – it didn’t matter how fast I ran, it was just gone.
« Maybe you shouldn’t take it so hard, » says Julian. « Aren’t police supposed to help people? »
« How much do you know about the history of police forces? »
« Um, well… »
« Depending on the time and place, you could be dealing with idealistic defenders of the peace or power-drunk assholes in service to a corrupt regime. »
« Don’t you think the Mover’s police would function under the principles of justice? »
« SSOps. »
« Ouch. »
Julian isn’t the only one wincing. SSOps is Mickey’s responsibility. Knowing that sins have a way of coming home to roost, he’s been trying to rein them in, but easier said than done.
Julian points at a café across the street. « I’m cold and wet, and if we’re going to discuss political ethics, I’d rather do it over a cup of javajuice. »
Why not? I’d rather scour the streets for Tara, but that would probably be a pointless waste of time. I need to think this through without panicking.
The café turns out to be the same chain that operates out of the Yggdrasil Tower. Meaning they have a very robust dessert selection. The walls are covered with watercolor paintings of the various items on the menu. The most frequently ordered desserts have the largest pictures. Surprisingly, the largest painting is of bomboloni, Tarlach’s dessert.
Julian’s eyes fall on the painting of my dessert, Volparnu volcano. It’s a bit like baked Alaska, but with nau’gsh. The salted caramel oozing from the peak is supposed to look like lava, but maybe it looks like something else. Julian licks his lips. « I’m not sure whether this is an appropriate time to flirt. »
He is an appetizing young man, but probably not. « Your tuning fork can’t find Tara, can it? »
He shakes his head, a rainbow of brightly dyed hair falling into his face. « Only Cu’enashti sparks. I can track the dirigible, though. They should be fine as long as they’re flying through the State of Grace, but if I understand correctly, I hope they avoid the State of Emergency. »
« Everything in here is a reflection of us, of the grove, of the mind of the Mover. What if the police force really is a reflection of SSOps? Tara could be in big trouble. »
« I can’t believe the Mover would ever hurt her. Besides, aren’t penguins generally supportive figures? »
« You’re right. He wouldn’t hurt her. But he might be trying to hurt us. Or he might be trying to protect her, but sometimes that goes wrong in ways we can’t anticipate. » I take a deep sip of hot javajuice. Caffeine be damned, the rich taste and aroma still have a way of calming the nerves.
And then I see it. « I’m an idiot. This is so much easier than I made it out to be. Where do police usually take people? »
« To a police station, » says Julian.
« Right! And they don’t hide those; it would be counterproductive. We just have to find a directory and look up the locations of police stations in Noir. Once we find her, we’ve got two options – bail her out or break her out. »
There’s a city map back at the train station. On the way, I ask Julian the time. « In here or out there? Internal time is pretty much irrelevant as it passes differently at different points in the pleroma. In terms of external time, Tara has about six more hours before the ship arrives at the Domha’vei. »
If we don’t find her, I wonder if she’ll be emanated automatically at the right time or if she’ll remain in jail. If it’s the latter, she’s going to be very angry.
It takes only a second’s glance at the map to record the police stations in branch memory. If I had been smart, I would’ve looked when we got off the train, but at that point, we were exploring. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m supposed to be Tara’s bodyguard. I need to up my game.
I’m a ski instructor. How did this happen to me?
It happened because of something I can almost remember. I was a blue spark, intensely passionate, forceful. I clashed with another, a spark equally forceful. We were alike, yet opposite, and we synchronized: Attacker and Defender. Soon we found a third, more powerful than either of us, one I conceptualize as Lord.
We were bad news.
Until, that is, we ran into another pair, Laughter Player. They messed us up but good. And it looks like my head is still like that – I can’t make up my mind whether I’m a tough guy or a lightweight.
Isaac was Laughter. I know that now. He meets us at the train station, and for a moment, my eyes are filled with him and the other two knights, Javor and Prem. Connections ripple between us, extension of root, whisper of leaves. It’s a moment before I see them, my old companions, before I can take the measure of them in human form.
Dominic, my lord and master, has somehow become a boy-next-door type with light brown hair, wholesome and athletic. It’s almost funny. But I don’t laugh because I know that he hasn’t yet grown into his power. Alexander is more sensual, with thick lips and eyelashes, unevenly cut jet black hair.
They look at me searchingly, and I can see that they almost recognize me, but they don’t.
« Noir has two main police stations, » I explain. « Tellingly, they’re called Good Cop Precinct and Bad Cop Precinct. It might make the most sense for us to split into two teams. »
« We should probably even up the sides more, » says Javor. « Maybe Dominic should go with you? »
« I’m not leaving Alexander, » he replies. And I know that there’s no point in arguing with him whatsoever.
« Not to make this an issue, but I do have more experience than anyone here. » Actually, I have more experience than all of them put together. « So why don’t the three of you go over to Good Cop Precinct, and we’ll take the rookies to Bad Cop Precinct. »
« Then maybe we should take the safer assignment? » suggests Julian.
« We’ll need to get those quest achievements somewhere. And I’ve got an idea. »
This is the plan: Dominic and Alex do scissors-paper-stone to determine who gets the job. It’s no surprise at all to me when Dominic wins. That’s just the way he is.
Quest achievement #98 says only, “Fake it.” We stage a phony scuffle in front of the police station. Dominic pretends to be injured, getting the cops to take him inside. That should be enough for him to get the achievement. He can then scope the place out while he fills out the police report, letting me know whether Tara is there, and if so, her situation. If not, he rejoins us once he’s done.
Ah, plans. As Dominic doubles over on the sidewalk, a patrol car turns the corner. Compost, that means their response is a bit quicker than expected, and the police are feisty rockhopper penguins. One jumps out of the car, zapping Alex with a stun rod. Julian and I are faster, and we head down the street. The second patrolbird waddles frantically behind, but he’ll never catch us.
The pavement is slick with rain. The penguin flops on his belly and slides at precipitous speed. Before I can dodge, I’m knocked to the ground like a bowling pin. « Keep going! » I scream at Julian.
By this time, officers have poured out of the station. They don’t seem to be making any distinction between victim and victimized, hauling Dominic into the station as roughly as they do Alexander.
In the distance, I hear:
“Dominic del Eden’d, Most Potent High-reeve of the Blue Savannah. 81st to emanate, 100 in the color scale, resonates to 541. 1.767 meters tall, cock size 16.68 cm when erect, apparent age 29. Biological historian. Totem is Phanera (Bauhinia) purpurea, the orchid tree or butterfly tree, fixed star is Tseen Ke, the heavenly record. Esoteric symbol is the Minchiate trump Il Mondo, the World or Multiverse. Dessert is nau’gsh crème cannoli. Function is adjudicative attainment, proto-conscious tendency is regency, designated Lord. Blazon is argent, within a bordure cobalt, a genetic code wheel, cobalt.”
At least something went right.
I’m cuffed and marched inside. In a small, stunned voice, Dominic murmurs, Attacker, is that you?
Guess what? chatburls Isaac. We found Tara! Turns out there are rumors of a war going down, so the good cops thought they’d better take her into protective custody. She’s hopping mad.
I’m put into the same cell as Alexander and Dominic. « I think the lot of you need to cool your mammalian appendages, » says the arresting officer.
Alexander sits miserably on the side of a bunk bed. « This sucks. »
Dominic puts his arm around him. « Hey, don’t worry. It will be fine. We’ll figure out something. Marius is with us. Do you remember Attacker, when we used to hang out together? » Alexander’s blank look shows that no, he doesn’t.
« I’d put more stock in the fact that Tara is out there, » I reply. « If anyone can bail us out, she can. »
There’s a duty officer casting an eye towards us, seemingly a little nervous. Once the beat cop leaves, he’s all swagger.
« Those are not rockhoppers, » says Dominic. « They’re definitely Snares penguins. You know, I can see how you might confuse a Fiordland penguin with a Snares penguin, but a rockhopper? »
Geez, he just got his recognition, and he’s starting already. « It’s a crested penguin. »
« And what? Do all crested penguins look alike to you? What an insulting attitude. »
Penguin or puffer, the officer comes our way carrying a briefcase. « I can see that the two of you have quite a line of credit, » he says, winking. A winking penguin is something to see.
He flips open the case. It’s full of Daze, Hexagon, Sparkle…the full line of RR-2 products. In other words, a corrupt cop is trying to sell us back our own drugs.
It is indeed karma, Manan chatburls.
Great. Do you have any ideas?
Stall for time. Alexander may qualify for achievement #89, “Spend a night in jail.”
Wonderful.
« We don’t really need any drugs, » Dominic says, « but we would sure be appreciative if you could get us something from the café. Like maybe some nau’gsh crème cannoli and a Volparnu volcano? »
« What are you doing? »
« Well, I thought as long as we’re stuck here, we might as well stage a sexy prison scenario. »
This is soooo like Dominic.
« That will cost you, » says the jailer. « I can’t exactly leave, so I’m going to have to get special delivery. »
« Like you said, we’ve got a credit line, » says Dominic.
The penguin nods, yellow feathers bobbing above his brow. He goes down a few cells, rattling his keys, and releases a fellow inmate – another penguin. « Bring back that order, and I’ll drop the charges. I know you’ll end up back here sooner or later anyway. »
She – it’s definitely a she – sashays – as much as a penguin could sashay – over to us and says in a deep throaty squawk, « Are you sure I couldn’t hook you boys up with anything more than baked goods? »
« Typical Adelaide behavior, » mutters Dominic.
The penguin prostitute thrusts her beak insolently into the air. « Don’t give me that attitude. A girl’s gotta do what it takes to survive, especially if she can’t find a man with big enough rocks. »
She takes her leave. « Seriously, how can you tell them apart? » asks Alex.
« Dude, those two aren’t even in the same genus, » says Dominic. « Completely different biological ancestor. »
I turn to Dominic, « Why do you know all this stuff about penguins? »
« I’m a biological historian. I can read their DNA. »
« What? How did that happen? »
« How did you become a ski instructor? Listen, we’re wasting time. Now Marius, here’s the deal. You’re the prison gang leader, and you try to coerce me into sex. But Alex comes to protect me, which ends with a sweet little scene of gratitude sex, got it? »
« This all sounds strangely familiar, » muses Alex. « Marius attacks, I defend, and you… »
« Dominic tops from below, » I mutter.
« This is cool, » says Alexander. « It’s kind of like running a simulation, isn’t it? »
« Go on, » says Dominic, nudging me.
I clear my throat. « And who have we here? Fresh meat? Someone who hasn’t learned the rules yet? »
Alex smiles happily. « What are the rules? »
Um.
Um.
Um.
New convicts are always naked, offers Tarlach, and kneel before their superiors, and perform fellatio on them when commanded.
Those are good rules, says Dominic appreciatively.
Who asked you?
Tommy has picked this up on his media channel for live broadcast. I figured that you could use the help of a professional with a wide range of experience in imaginative therapy.
Oh good grief. Also, I’m a little worried about that jailer coming back. I mean, sex in front of penguins, there’s something just not right about that.
Don’t be so judgy, says Davy.
Furthermore, Alex is completely unaware that he’s about to be sexually exploited. Maybe it’s a matter of consent, but I suspect that even if we explained it to him, he wouldn’t understand what consent meant in the pleroma – that everybody experiences everything.
We’re a communal organism, says Lorcan. Your hand doesn’t ask your dick for permission to touch it.
I think the situation is a little more ethically complex than that, says Seth. Considering the true nature of the Mover…
See what you’ve done? says Lorcan. Nothing kills a hard-on like a lecture in ontology.
And then, the first rays of murky dawn poke through the dirtied window.
“Alexander del Eden’d, Simulacrum Cancellarius. 73rd to emanate, 56 in the color scale, resonates to 263. 1.895 meters tall, cock size 16.22 cm when erect, apparent age 27. Simulation engineer. Totem is Malus sylvestris, the European wild apple, fixed star is Aspidiske, the little shield. Esoteric symbol is the Etruscan letter 
. Dessert is leche frita with Muscovado sugar sautéed nau’gsh. Function is administrative insight, proto-conscious tendency is protection, designated Defender. Blazon is kyanophyll, an escutcheon floribundant.”
« Wow, » says Alexander. « Oh wow. Isaac wasn’t kidding. »
The Adelaide streetwaddler returns with a bakery box. « They had a special on the leche frita, so I picked up some of that, too. You can thank me later. »