Purpose: To determine the effects of mood interventions upon nau’gshtamine production.
Participants: Donovan Chase, Manasseh del Eden’d, His Most Sublime and Eminent Radiance Balin del Shambhah’d, Archon of Shambhala
Materials: Pollen-test and nau’gshtamine extraction equipment (redundant). A battery of psychological tests including the PPI, IIPD and IRATE. A variety of mood-elevating substances including Sparkle, Lammian highweed, Black Opium-27 and Blue Moth Mushrooms.
Hypothesis: Psychological characteristics can influence nau’gshtamine production. Due to this, it is hypothesized that nau’gshtamine production can be positively affected by the use of psychotropic substances.
Preliminary Data: Psychological batteries administered by Tarlach Tadgh, PsyDC
Pentagonal Personality Inventory (PPI)
| Donovan Chase | Manasseh del Eden'd | Balin del Shambhah'd | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Extroversion | 20/50 (Introverted) | 43/50 (Garrulous) | 38/50 (Assertive) |
| Cooperation | 44/50 (Pushover) | 49/50 (Would buy beachfront property on Volparnu) | 20/50 (Unmutual) |
| Conscientiousness | 10/50 Slacker | 23/50 (Can brew his own tea, if pushed) | 50/50 (Anal-retentive) |
| Neuroticism | 19/50 (Mildly paranoid) | 24/50 (Normal) | 38/50 (Controlling) |
| Creativity | 44/50 (Eccentric) | 37/50 (Daydreamer) | 30/50 (Problem-solver) |
InterGal Inventory of Personality Disorders (IIPD)
| Donovan Chase | Manasseh del Eden'd | Balin del Shambhah'd | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Self-Esteem | 17/100 (Pathetic) | 55/100 (Slightly low to well-adjusted) | 93/100 (Arrogant SOB) |
| Mania | 3/40 (Lethargic) | 24/40 (Slightly manic) | 20/40 (Stable) |
| Schizophrenia* | 68/100 (Extreme schizophrenic tendencies) | 27/100 (Mild signs of schizophrenia) | 48/100 (Schizophrenic) |
| Sociopathy | 10/50 (A tad delinquent) | 0/50 (Mr. Nice Guy) | 4/50 (Stable) |
| Depression | 42/100 (Moderate depression) | 8/100 (Happy as a cabbage) | 12/100 (Healthy) |
*The inventory was determined to be invalid for this measure. In particular, questions 37 (“I hear or see things that others can’t”), 48 (“I have special powers that nobody else has”), and 57 (“I talk to a person/people in my head that no one else can hear”) are widely divergent indicators for human vs. Cu’enashti mental hygiene. And question 52 (“I suspect that others are trying to get me”) is not paranoia, but documentable truth in the face of numerous assassination attempts.
Interpersonal Relationship Assessment of Trust and Eroticism (IRATE)
| Donovan Chase | Manasseh del Eden'd | Balin del Shambhah'd | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attachment* | 100/100 (Stalker) | 100/100 (Stalker) | 100/100 (Stalker) |
| Openness | 32/100 (Guarded) | 89/100 (TMI) | 68 (Forthright) |
| Eroticism** | 45/100 (Average) | 74/100 (High) | 85/100 (Oversexed) |
*The inventory was determined to be invalid for this measure. In particular questions 12 (“I become anxious when my partner is not around for a while”), 29 (“I think obsessively about my partner”) and 32 (“I need to be close to my partner in order to feel strong and secure”) are widely divergent indicators for human vs. Cu’enashti relationship stability. And question 40 (“My partner is the most interesting, attractive and admirable person in the universe”) is again documentable truth.
**The inventory scale was deemed to be too low for Cu’enashti. A more reasonable scale:
86-100: High; 71-85: Healthy; 55-70: Low; 54 and below: Unhealthy
Procedure [Reported by Tarlach Tadgh, PsyDC, Prince Consort of the Skarsian Matriarchy]:
My instructions were simple: administer some psychological tests on Chase, Manasseh and Balin, the next experimental subjects. The experiment was straightforward and sensible as well, measuring the effects of mood elevation on pollinators. Wynne and Ace were the ones to be pollinated again for two reasons: because we already had data on them, and because Tara really wanted Wynne to emanate.
It didn’t look like Tara would need to come into the pleroma at all, which was a little disappointing. I was hoping to have another CCPR meeting, and from the looks Constantine had been giving me, I could see that he was feeling the same way.
Everything changed when I examined my data. Both Manasseh and Balin were within healthy parameters, with Balin perhaps a touch on the arrogant side and Manasseh rather naive and indiscreet. Chase was another story. Chase was depressed, neurotic, apathetic, with low self-esteem and, most worrying for a Cu’enashti, low libido.
Tara was surprised when I emanated. I needed to discuss the results with her.
“Question 40 on the IRATE – exactly what kind of documentation do you purport to have?”
“Well, I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“You sound like Davy.”
“Any fool who looked at you for more than five seconds would come to the same conclusion, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. The fact is that I’m worried about Chase. We both know the real problem – Black Opium-27. But is his depression caused by his drug abuse, or is the drug abuse an attempt to self-medicate?”
Tara studied the results, frowning. “I’m surprised he wasn’t too buffered to answer the questions.”
“I suggest that we proceed with the experiment, but keep an eye on the situation.”
“It isn’t good for Chase to be so reliant on chemical enhancers,” Tara agreed. She crossed the room to the bar. “I need a drink. Want one?”
“The experiment begins tonight. I have to admit that I’m a little confused. The plan is for Wynne to emanate, and then to examine the apples pollinated by Chase, and also Ace’s apples that were pollinated by Manasseh. That’s to get a baseline. Then we have to repeat the procedure for Phase 2, 3, 4 and 5, which involve Chase and Manasseh taking Sparkle, Lammian Highweed, Black Opium-27 and Blue Moth Mushrooms to see if it affects nau’gshtamine production.”
“That’s some project. It’s going to take days,” she said cheerfully. “And Wynne will have to stay emanated?”
I nodded affirmatively. “It seems pretty straightforward,” she said.
“Yes, but as an Ashvattha branch, Balin can’t pollinate either Wynne or Ace. I can’t figure out where he fits in.”
Experiment 5 Data
| Donovan Chase (pollinating Wynne) | Manasseh (pollinating Ace) |
|
|---|---|---|
| Baseline Nau’gshtamine production for pollinator | 209.33 mg | 239.76 mg |
| Average baseline for branch | 275.67mg (Wynne) | 243.97mg (Ace) |
| Sparkle (50 mg topical) | 232.74 mg | 240.23 mg |
| Lammian Highweed (5g smoked) | 212.78 mg | 202.65 mg* |
| Black Opium-27 (250 mg injected) | 150.07 mg | 201.98 mg |
| Blue Moth Mushrooms** (10g ingested) | 258.94 mg | 271.67 mg |
*The reading is artificially low. Lammian highweed rendered Manasseh so incoherent that he blew his pollen to the wind.
**The decision to use blue moth mushrooms rather than the derivative developed by Tara and Malachi and marketed under the trademark “Happy Trails” was twofold: first, it seemed a propos to use the mushrooms created by Davy directly, and second, by design, Happy Trails is completely ineffectual on a depressed person, i.e. Chase.
Results:
Both subjects initially produced less nau’gshtamine amide-t than was average for the receptive branches – in Chase’s case, dramatically lower. The use of Sparkle (a mood elevator and sensory enhancer) improved nau’gshtamine content for Chase, who had scored problematically on many of the psychological indicators. It had little effect on the mentally healthy Manasseh. Lammian highweed seemed to have a mild positive effect on Chase, but Manasseh’s data is invalid. The correlation between a decrease in nau’gshtamine production and the influence of Black Opium-27 is strong and markedly exaggerated in Chase, the chronic user. The use of Blue Moth Mushrooms dramatically increases nau’gshtamine production, probably because the mushrooms were designed by the Goliath emanation Malachi. The increased productivity induced may simply be an undocumented feature of the design.
Debriefing:
Tara: I thought that was a very productive experiment. I think Wynne should stay emanated longer, while we try out a variety of other drugs – Dayze, Hexagon, Ripscorch– we should be thorough.
Manasseh: I really didn’t like the opium. The other stuff was a lot of fun. I think I should stay away from the highweed during pollination, though.
Balin: I didn’t get to do anything.
Chase: Huh?
Conclusion [Reported by Her Eminence Tara del D’myn, Matriarch of Skarsia]:
There’s a knock at the door – the one from Daniel’s room into mine. I’m expecting it. After seeing the experimental results, Tarlach talked me into this. Honestly, I’m not so certain that this is a good idea. Things could get complicated. Well, more complicated than they are.
Any woman who has to perform a roll call of her husbands does not need complicated.
Chase stands in the doorway, stunned. « It’s so…pink, » he stammers.
I turn to Tarlach. « There really is no way to redecorate? My uncle chose the design of my childhood bedroom specifically to offend the 5th Matriarch’s sense of gender propriety. »
« All these years, we haven’t been able to do a thing about Daniel’s décor, » says Tarlach. « Luckily, the rest of the building opened up. »
« We’re losing focus, » says Balin, giving Chase a gentle shove into the room.
Tarlach steps forward, taking Chase’s hands between his. « You have to remember, we all love you. »
Chase looks at Balin. « I barely know this guy, » he says. « I was asleep when he emanated. »
« I’m here because the experiment calls for me to be here, » says Balin. « It’s a mystery to me, too. »
« You’re probably here because you can be more objective than we can, » says Tarlach. « It’s not a bad idea. »
Chase looks around at the rest of us. « And? »
« Chase, » says Tarlach, « you’ve got a problem. »
« It’s those test scores, » he replies. « I’ve got a rotten personality, right? »
« I wouldn’t say that, » says Tarlach. « I’d say that the test scores are an indication of deeper issues. »
« You think I do too many drugs, right? »
Tarlach hands him the data from the experiment.
« Since Tara completed this study, everyone’s interested in taking the Blue Moth Mushrooms, » says Tarlach. « Everyone except you. You’re still taking Black Opium-27. Sparkle I could understand – Lens once made a very salient observation that many emanations drink only so Tara will mix for them. Since she developed Sparkle herself, it’s only natural that you’d want to take it. Lammian highweed is less explicable. »
« I’ve got my own opinion on Lammian highweed, » I tell them. « It’s fun and almost harmless. I’ve negotiated to legalize it several times, but the Ennead gets upset at the prospect of losing such a profitable contraband market. »
« Fair enough, » says Tarlach. « But Chase, when you look at the relationship between Black Opium-27 use and nau’gshtamine production, aren’t you horrified? »
Chase scratches his head.
« No, » he decides after a few seconds of thinking about it. « Should I be? »
« Don’t you want Tara to eat your apples? » asks Manasseh.
« This is the first time I’ve borne fruit in years, » says Chase. « My apples were always kind of sour anyways. »
« What is with this guy? » says Balin.
« I’m just realistic, » Chase replies. « My only real skill is taking drugs. I do a good job of that. That’s why Tara lets me run the black market in the Domha’vei. It’s actually pretty useful. I was the one who supplied the drugs for these experiments. »
« I know this is going to sound hypocritical, » I tell him. « Consider that I was once addicted to Gyre, but I continue to manufacture and distribute it. Although I’m well aware of the danger of falling into the false paradise that it induces, it’s also an extremely useful substance if used correctly. Black Opium-27 is different. It’s a lousy drug. Maybe the bottom line is that your abuse of it calls your professional discrimination into question. »
« Huh. I guess I’m a loser at being a loser. »
« Don’t say things like that! » Manasseh protests. « You’re a great guy. I remember when Atlas and Goliath were separated and you came over to Goliath to try to talk to us. Despite all the weirdness between Ailann and Ari, you still really wanted to help me. You’re my brother, Chase. »
« I blame myself, » says Tarlach. « I assumed that once you’d regained contact with Tara, you would soon readjust to normal. I underestimated the long-term effects of the separation trauma. All that time you were using opium, it was more than a crutch to get through the pain. It had long-term effects on your personality, upsetting your whole mental and emotional balance. »
« The whole point of my existence was to lie low until someone better qualified to handle things came along, » says Chase. « It’s a done deal. I’m surrounded by branches that are talented, courageous, intelligent and strong. If I close my eyes, I can feel whatever the current emanation is feeling. Like right now, Patrick is sitting on the verandah next to Canopus, having a brandy, and working on a story collection he’s writing. It’s great, except he’s a little lonely. So basically, who needs me? »
« It’s too early to give up, » says Manasseh. « Look at Wynne. He had it rough for years, and now he’s a golden boy. »
« That’s true, » Tarlach agrees. « Tara falling in love with Wynne was completely unexpected. »
« To me, too, » I add. « We’d had our conflicts in the past, and then it just happened out of nowhere. »
« It didn’t surprise me at all, » says Chase. « Wynne is the all-time winner. I’m the all-time loser. »
« This can’t continue, Chase, » I tell him. « I forbid it. »
Manasseh gasps.
« No emanation is expendable, » I continue. « What would it take to get you to kick the opium habit? What would inspire you to make something of your life? »
« Foot rubs! » Manasseh blurts out.
Balin stares at him, his lips slightly parted, almost, but not quite saying what he feels about the familial lack of ambition demonstrated by both Manasseh and Chase. Tarlach stares at me, grinning, obviously thinking of a number of things that would inspire him to change his life in all sorts of interesting ways.
Chase is silent for a moment. « Dunno, » he mutters, shrugging.
Balin shakes his head. « I never thought I’d see anything like this, » he says. « He’s really ill. It’s sad. It’s disturbing to think that he’s also a part of our grove. »
« Can I go now? » asks Chase.
« Chase, » says Manasseh, grabbing at his sleeve, « do you know where you are? You’re in Tara’s room. In Tara’s room. You want to leave? »
« This is as bad as the other day, when Whirljack walked out on Tara, » says Balin. « The Atlas Tree’s n’aashet n’aaverti is going to hell. »
« Take that back, » says Tarlach, angrily. He turns to Chase. « Don’t you care that he just insulted us? »
« Not really, » says Chase.
There’s a knock at the door. I shoot a quizzical glance over to Tarlach, who shakes his head.
The knocking continues. I decide to answer it, telling whoever is at the other side that he’s come at a bad time.
It’s Whirljack. « I heard that, » he says.
« You what? » says Tarlach. « This is a confidential session! »
« Since we can all access each other’s memories, there’s no point in confidentiality, » says Whirljack. « I don’t know how many times we’ve told you that. »
« I stand by what I said, » says Balin. « You walked out on Tara; everybody saw. You ruined a perfectly good orgy, dashing the hopes of multitudes. »
« Next time, I’m selling tickets, » I tell them.
« Impugning someone’s n’aashet n’aaverti is the foulest insult you can throw at a Cu’enashti, » says Whirljack. « I can’t let it go unavenged. I challenge you to a duel. »
Fuck, I need a drink, and my silly little girl room doesn’t have a bar. I lean through the door to Daniel’s apartment. « Tommy, can you bring me a vodka double, on the rocks? »
« I accept, » says Balin. « But I won’t hold back. You know I’m the Archon of Ashvattha, right? And you’re half the branch you used to be. I’ll give you a chance to back down if you’re afraid. »
« This is happening because Cillian mellowed, » says Tarlach. « Nature abhors a vacuum. »
« So you’re saying that if our asshole is too small, we’ll grow a new one? » asks Chase.
Tommy comes through the door with my drink. « I don’t even want to think about the images that just popped into my mind, » he says.
« That’s because you’re a pervert, » says Chase. « S’ok. It’s your idiom. »
« You have no right to criticize my n’aashet n’aaverti, and you especially have no right to criticize Chase, » snaps Whirljack. « Tara left us because Blackjack and I screwed up. And then the coup happened, and we were cut off from the power grid, and we blacked out. Chase emanated without knowing who he was, or his purpose in life, or having Tara as a focal point for his sensorium. If he had to use opium to keep from going mad, to keep from being crushed by the terrifying sensory overload, who the fuck has the right to say no? And you, Mr. High-and-Mighty Archon, what have you done in your short lifetime? You emanated after Rand had already cleaned that mess up in Shambhala. You stepped out of your tree saying, God has arrived, everyone! And all those fanboy and fangirl colonists fell to their knees. Then once you’d claimed all the accolades, you went back to Tara’s ship and screwed her. You’ve had it unbelievably soft! »
Chase looks a little stunned that Whirljack would defend him. As with all of Chase’s expressions, it’s a delayed reaction, creeping across his face like a slow crack in ice.
« Name your weapon, » says Balin.
« I only need one, » says Whirljack, « and it’s between my legs. »
« If this is a dick-measuring contest, I can get out the spreadsheet, » says Tarlach.
« Mere size means nothing, » says Whirljack. « I’m talking about satisfaction. Tara is, of course, the natural judge. »
Wynne sticks his head through the door. « We’ve got a pool going. Do you guys want in? »
Tarlach and Tommy make their bets. For a moment, I consider objecting, but Balin needs to be taken down a few pegs. I reflect on the results of Tarlach’s ridiculous psychological battery; Balin is stable, but arrogant as all hell. He can take it.
Chase flops backwards onto the bed. « Hey Wynne, » he asks, « do you and Ace still have any unpollinated flowers? »
« A few, » says Wynne. « Why? Are you flirting with me? »
Chase reaches into the inner pocket of his leather jacket. « I’ve got these, » he says, proffering a handful of Blue Moth Mushrooms. « I’ve heard they’re supposed to be good for nau’gshtamine production. Anybody want some? Come to think of it, I’ve got Sparkle and highweed too – all the leftover gear from the experiment. »
« No thanks, » says Whirljack. « I’ll need my faculties about me. »
Tarlach and Manasseh accept the mushrooms. « I’ll take the Sparkle, » says Wynne. « I can’t pollinate myself anyways. »
« The mushrooms won’t work while Tara’s inside the pleroma, » says Balin. « Pollination only happens in response to a physical trigger. I can’t believe that you guys don’t know that. »
« I do, » says Tarlach, « obviously. But I’m saving my shrooms for later. »
I look down at the duvet. It’s the same enormous bed I’ve had all my life, but the covers are the frothy confection I had when I was sweet sixteen, all lace and little pink roses worked into the stitching. The thought of fucking Whirljack on it seems totally pervy. So it’s a relief when Tommy suggests that we might want to go someplace bigger, someplace where everyone can watch.
« The chambers in our palace are enormous, » says Balin, « much bigger than the suites in Atlas or Goliath. »
Wynne shakes his head. « We need neutral ground. Even Goliath isn’t exactly neutral since Jack’s brother Ari lives there. »
« That leaves the swan boat or the Yggdrasil Tower, » I tell them. « The boat might be a little too distracting, and I promised Beat I’d come and see the tower anyway. »
« You can use my place, » says Beat. « It’s pretty roomy. »
He’s right – his apartment is huge, and it’s decorated with surprising flair. He has leather couches, curvaceous geometric sculptures, blue and white tube lighting running the length of the ceiling, and an Aztec-patterned woven carpet. But most of all, the walls are lined with percussion instruments: rattles, bells, maracas, every kind of drum you could imagine, and a humongous gong positioned in the center.
More to the point: he has a huge, round waterbed.
The apartment fills. It looks at first like everyone has shown up, but a quick check reveals that four are absent. Well, Patrick, obviously, since he’s emanated. But two of the missing are Blackjack and Seth. Not good.
The last one missing is Ellery. What is up with that boy? I’d better figure it out, and soon. The drama never stops around here.
Balin strips almost immediately, luxuriating in the power of his own naked form. He is beautiful, no doubt about it. His body is the most solidly muscular of all the emanations, and he has a bit of Ari’s determination about him, if not Ari’s sheer size. His hair is long, rich red at the roots shading to solid black at the bottom. Unlike Callum and Seth, whose intense hair colors look pointedly artificial, Balin’s hair looks natural, strong and silky, like a wild animal marked with a shocking crest of fur.
I remember when we became lovers on Shambhala: the way he moved, how he crushed me in his arms, how he fucked fast and hard. It was delicious, but I still don’t think he can beat Whirljack. Jack is strong, but he is also subtle, and he has a way of noticing exactly what gets under my skin. On the other hand, it had been over two decades since I’d actually been alone with Whirljack. Also, I’d never had either Whirljack or Balin inside the pleroma before. My experience here is sorely limited, but one occasion was that first night with Thomas when time spun into eternity, and the other was the foursome, the night I fell in love with Wynne. Being inside could change everything.
Wynne is collecting the final bets, but Ace isn’t participating, since he knows the results. Instead, he joins Lens, who is standing in a corner, smiling shyly and gazing at the floor. Ace peers first at Whirljack, then at Balin. He leans over to Lens and says, « I know who, but you know why, don’t you? » Lens nods.
Balin wins the draw and is first. He is different on the inside: more passionate, more focused. It’s easier to see beyond the arrogant exterior to the truth of his devotion. He wasn’t just being an asshole when he insulted Atlas. He was genuinely offended by Chase’s behavior, an indifference which seemed both inexplicable and inexcusable to him.
Balin is strong, the embodiment of strength, but Whirljack is right: it’s an easy strength that has never been tested. He’s cocksure, which is half-endearing and half-annoying. I like the firm way his hands grasp my hipbones; I like the warm suction of his mouth around my nipple. He’s out of his element, though; so attuned to his body’s rhythms, he’s used to relying on the manipulation of tension and release, but in here that doesn’t exist. There’s no orgasm as such, just dizzying waves of pleasure. He gets lost in it, drowns in it, even as he pounds into my body, I can feel his moist tears against the side of my neck.
« Loveyouloveyouloveyou, » he moans.
Then Valentin’s hand is on my shoulder. « Time, » he says.
« Time? »
« Someone has to keep track, or Whirljack will never get his turn. »
For a moment, I’m foggy and disoriented. Balin looks shattered. I’m wondering if they’re going to have to pull him off of me when he shakes himself and finally moves away.
Whirljack joins me on the bed. It’s not like I remember, if I can count on the accuracy of those distant memories of when he was a single man. It’s a disappointment. He’s technically expert, focused, intense – almost too much so. He’s trying too hard. His technique is a hollow exercise: he’s not as good as Harsh; worse, Harsh enjoyed every minute of it, and Whirljack just looks strained. And emotionally, he seems flat, especially compared to Balin’s absolute sincerity.
When Valentin calls time, Whirljack moves away quickly, saying nothing. And I don’t know what to do. I can’t stand the thought of humiliating Whirljack, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who understands what went down. The whole lot of them are going to check out Whirljack’s branch and Balin’s branch, and then they’ll know what they were feeling. They collectively believe I play favorites with Whirljack as it is. Maybe I do.
But before I can say anything, Whirljack speaks. « I concede, » he says. « I have at least enough n’aashet n’aaverti to spare Tara from telling everyone the obvious. » And then he’s gone, leaving everyone standing in shocked silence.
« I shouldn’t have done that, » says Balin. « I shouldn’t have said that about him. »
« Probably not, » I reply, « but he’s got a lot of his own problems, and you can’t be blamed for them. »
As I squirm into my shift, Tarlach says, « You should go after him. »
« What should I say? »
« You’ll think of something, » he replies.
Chase is sitting in the corner, preparing a dose of Black Opium-27. « Don’t be too hard on him, » he says. « There’s never been a day when Whirljack didn’t try his absolute best. Unlike me. There’s never been a day when I tried at all. »
My heels click, echoing through the empty stone corridor that connects the bizarre interior worlds of Atlas and Yggdrasil. I’m glad to be alone, to gather my thoughts away from them for a little while. These so-called experiments have a point which goes far deeper than the obvious. Ash is pushing them. No, he’s pushing himself. I think about what Ethan said the other night, and wonder why it never occurred to me. Ash can heal others with ease, so why didn’t he heal himself? And Whirljack isn’t the only damaged one. This was supposed to be an intervention for Chase.
I wish I could talk to Ash, to tell him what I’m thinking. Then I realize that I’m a moron, because I’m inside of his mind. In a way, each of his emanations could be considered a psychological complex. Everything I say to one of them, he hears. Fuck, if I talked to the walls, he’d hear it.
I stop in the doorway that leads into Atlas. I rest my hand upon the frame as I speak: « Ash, let me help. »
I’ve never been to Whirljack’s apartment before. Neither, I suspect, has he. There’s no bell; I push against the door and it swings open.
The room is neat and bright in shades of beige and white, tastefully styled, but generic. It resembles nothing more than an upscale hotel room. Maybe as a touring musician, it’s how he conceives of home. Maybe it’s because he really has nothing of his own.
Whirljack is sitting in a chair turned away from me, facing a window that looks across the water towards Ashvattha. « Technically accomplished, but lacking his former passion, » he says. « The critics have been saying that about my music for years. »
He stands, turning towards me. He’s been crying. « It’s not fair, » he says. « Blackjack got the worst of me, but he also got the best. »
« You’re exaggerating on both counts. » I cross the room, wrapping my arms around him.
« I’ve tried to go on as if nothing has happened. I’ve tried to be as strong as I used to be. But I have to admit the truth. I’m weak, so weak. Others are stronger than I am. Balin is so much stronger than I. »
« Balin’s strength is different, and I think you were right that he’s never really been tested. But I have to ask you – why haven’t you just healed the split? Or asked Ailann to do it? »
Whirljack looks away. His lower lip trembles. « Don’t you see? It’s because I would lose him forever. »
There’s a knock at the door. After a second, it opens. It’s Blackjack.
« I thought you were brave, » he says, « defending Chase like that. »
He tugs nervously at his ponytail. « You know, I love you. I want to be together. »
« In a way, that makes it worse, » says Whirljack. He looks like he’s going to start crying again.
« Ash, fix this, » I demand.
The door opens again, with no knock this time. It’s Jamey.
Jamey?
It’s been twenty years since the attack which caused Whirljack’s branch to split, he signs. Since then, the two brothers have grown in their own separate directions. I doubt very much that we would lose them if we healed the original split but left the new growth alone.
« To have back the part of myself I’d lost, » says Blackjack. « That focus, that integrity. »
« The passion, » says Whirljack, « the lust for life. »
« You can do it? »
Jamey signs, Ethan’s calculations were correct. It will take under five minutes, but you will need to go back outside, and then they’ll need to emanate.
The next thing I know, I’m back in my bedroom – my contemporary bedroom, with a bar, thank the gods. I pour myself a double, then go out to the verandah.
Whirljack is there. It’s definitely the Whirljack I remember from so long ago. The strength is there, the passionate focus – n’aashet n’aaverti. And the mischievous gleam in his eyes.
“Look at this,” he says. Then he’s surrounded by a blue-white glow which blurs, becomes a double-focus.
Suddenly, Blackjack is next to him. “We can emanate as one combined self or as twins,” he says. “How cool is that?”
Addendum – second debriefing:
Tara: I’m very happy that things worked out so well for Whirljack. However, we made no progress with Chase.
Manasseh: Wow, Balin was awesome.
Balin: Actually, I feel terrible about it. But I really learned something. It isn’t about my n’aashet n’aaverti. It’s about the n’aashet n’aaverti of Ashtara. We’re a team, which means that we’re only as strong as the weakest branch. I’ve got to learn to be more supportive.
Chase: [Stares out the window, singing softly to the tune of “Yellow Submarine”] We all live in a big ass tree, with turquoise leaves and nectarines…. [He falls asleep.]
Future Investigation [Reported by Her Eminence Tara del D’myn, Matriarch of Skarsia]:
I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore. Ashtara is such an outlier that any study made of him has almost no chance of being applicable to the average Cu’enashti. This is becoming less a compilation of scientific papers and more a cabinet of curiosities.