We’re on our way home when I get a chatburl from Ailann: Chase, don’t come back to New Merenis.
What?
Tara’s here.
Yeah, I know that. Everybody knows that.
If she sees Julian in that condition, she’ll really twig on us.
Yeah, well, the kid is in that condition because he’s really, really sick. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Just land somewhere safe. Someone will distract Tara, and I’ll come to you.
By train? That’ll take hours.
Seth. Seth can teleport any recognized emanation.
It was a plan, but I didn’t much care for it. Then I hear Cyrus gasping. « Look at that! »
He’s gotten a glimpse of the rings, the three rings that only appear overarching the evening sky on approach to NEUranus. It is a pretty fantastic sight, pretty trippy. Might as well land there; NEUranus is as safe as anyplace.
And then I come up with a plan of my own.
Toads!
Vassali said there were psychedelic toads in NEUranus, and it’s a quest achievement. I remember because I wanted to check it out myself. But if somebody gets an achievement, he’ll become like one of us, immune to harm by the pleroma.
I set down the mecha just outside the city walls, flipping the switches that will allow the other compartments to open.
« It’s beautiful, » murmurs Roan, « so beautiful. »
« It’s unusual, » I tell him. « Suzanna told me that most planets with rings are gas giants. You don’t often see a view like this. »
« Why are we stopping? » asks Templeton. Man, this guy! He’s so super-serious, and he’s giving me vibes like he’s one of those uber-competent control-freak types, like Ailann or Aran.
« Medicine, bro, » I say to him. « We gotta find a toad for Julian to lick. »
« A…toad? » asks Roan.
« Oh yeah, » says Pallav. « It was on the list of achievements that we had to accomplish before being accepted into the pleroma. »
« You must be figuring that if he gets the achievement, he’ll be cured, » says Cyrus. « Smart idea! »
« You…received a list? » says Templeton. Dude looks kind of shattered about it.
« Yeah, and a map, » says Pallav. « But we don’t have it anymore. X’khaim had it on him, and he emanated. »
Now Templeton and Roan are giving me this look like why did you do this to us? Damned if I know. I probably shoulda said something when Malachi proposed it. I was just lazy. I’m a jerk. Yeah, I’m apathetic, but I should make a point when it comes to caring about our branches.
But we all went for it. That someone like Beat would do it – well, Beat is a great guy, but he goes for anything. He just wants to be loved. But Jamey. Jamey. Why would Jamey not just agree, but participate?
Something is going on, I know it.
« Come on, » I say, gesturing towards the city. « Keep your eyes peeled for a toad. »
We split into teams. Roan stays with Julian at the mecha, I go with Cyrus, Templeton and Pallav head in the other direction. « It’s unbelievable, » Cyrus mutters as we walk. I’m afraid the kid’s going to throw his back out of joint, straining his neck like that. But I have to admit, it’s pretty impressive. The architecture is that of High Earth, before the Wars of Centralization, over a millennium ago.
« Unbelievable, » he repeats. « Why don’t we have anything like it today? »
« Wars, » I answer. « Why else? Wars and culture. Earth fucked itself up big time. The Domha’vei fucked itself up early with the War of the Sexes but pulled out of it because of the unlimited energy source from the rift. I guess maybe we could have cities like this if we wanted to bother, but it’s an unpopular style. Everything in the Domha’vei is a riff on Exploitation Era or earlier. Some of the IndWorlds are closer to this, but it’s a matter of economics. »
« But this is beautiful, » says Cyrus. « Why wouldn’t we want this? Why not something even better? »
I shrug. Cyrus is silent for a while. Then he says, in a halting voice, « Chase, I don’t know what I am. Am I a tree, a man, a spark of energy? I don’t understand it. »
What do you say to something like that? « That’s life, » I tell him.
Then I sense Pallav running towards us. When I tell Cyrus, he’s surprised. Yeah, that’s right, human senses are pretty useless. He probably won’t know where Pallav is until he hears him.
« Come quick! » Pallav shouts from the end of the street. « Templeton found the toads. But we need Chase. We don’t have any money. »
« Money? For toads? »
« About two blocks away is a store called Toadmark. »
Cyrus gives me this look; I shrug. Toadmark, sure. It’s convenient. Sometimes the pleroma works like that.
Yeah, looking around, you can buy all sorts of stuff in NEUranus that you can’t get in New Merenis – or at that cheesy mall up in the mountains.
Shopping concourses always cater to the common taste, chatburls Quennel. Metropolitan shopping is where it’s at.
Toadmark: the store is gigantic. There are rows upon rows of toads in every possible variety. Cyrus’ attention is caught by the all-white snowflake toad, whose skin glistens like mother-of-pearl. Pretty, but not what we came here for. I notice an isle labeled “Necromancy and Assorted Spells” and think that Seth would probably be interested in that.
« Over here, » says Pallav, « the psychotropic department. »
It’s a fucking toad paradise. They must have a hundred varieties.
« Which one do we get? » asks Cyrus.
Templeton indicates a series of little cards posted in front of the terrariums. « They’re all reviewed. The cards indicating the price seem to have a pushpin to the Toad Spectator. »
I wave my hand in front of the closest card. A holographic image of the amphibian appears, reading, « 88/100. A mild lift, followed by only a slight period of vomiting, bursts into a field of strawberries and petrochemicals. Mostly visual although there are some olfactory effects – ends with a nose of tobacco and cheddar cheese. »
« Maybe this one, » Cyrus suggests. « 94/100. Especially recommended for artists. Immediate rush followed by direct sensory input to the creative facility. The furrifurri effect may seem adorable or annoying depending on your personal tastes, but it detracts only slightly from this bombast of synesthesia. »
Templeton looks like he’s gonna rain on everyone’s hovercade again. « Is bombast really called for in this circumstance? Maybe this one, » he gestures at another card. « 86/100. Beautiful auroras accompanied by celestial musicians. Mild and mellow, good for first time toad-travelers, or in lieu of a martini at lunch; disappointing if you’re looking for an immersive experience. »
« Good evening, sir, » says a tiny voice behind me. Geez, one of those penguins somehow snuck up on me. « Might I be of assistance? »
« Um, yeah, do I have a credit line? »
The penguin pulls out a datapad. « Let’s see…Donovan Chase. » The penguin’s eyes widen, and when he speaks again, it’s with the sort of obsequious tone that says a big commission is around the corner. « Oh, you’re an authorized buyer for the narcotics division of SSOps. You can put anything you want on a requisition. »
It gets me thinking. We’ve been entirely focused on plant-based psychedelics, but since we expanded into the facility at RR-3, maybe we should take the opportunity to enter a whole new market. « Gimme a sample of everything, plus a subscription to the Toad Spectator. »
The penguin claps his flippers happily. In a few minutes he returns with several low-quality terrariums filled with toads. At least I think it took a few minutes, but when could a stoner ever keep track of time?
We hurry back to the mecha. Roan has taken Julian outside and wrapped him in a blanket. The kid is pale and clammy, clammier than a toad. I set the terrariums down, putting one in reach of Julian. « He might as well pick whatever one he wants. »
Roan jostles him gently, but Julian whimpers with pain. « Here, » he says, popping the lid on the terrarium. « Choose one of these and lick it. It’s medicine. »
Man, I shoulda seen this coming. The biggest toad jumps right out. Then, while we’re still startled, another one jumps, and another. « Catch those toads, » I yell.
« Close the lid! » Templeton commands. « We’re going to be up to our kneecaps in toads if you don’t. »
Pallav slams it down. Cyrus has managed to grab one of the toads and is offering it to a feverishly confused Julian. Templeton and I are scrambling for the runaways when Julian murmurs, « If I lick this…will Theo come back? »
Man, how pathetic. Cyrus nods encouragingly and Julian takes a good, long lick.
You know, my memory sucks. Maybe it’s because of the drugs, but a long time ago, I started doing drugs because I couldn’t remember anything. Anyway, it isn’t until he licks that I recall something kind of important.
Well, um, pretty important.
I’ve read about psychotropic toads, and the thing is that licking is a piss poor means of dosage control. You’re supposed to smoke the secretions. If you lick, chances are you won’t get anything. But every now and again, you could get a lot, even a lethal amount.
That weird PA system announces the achievement:
“Julian del Eden’d, Craftmaster of Skarsia. 59th to emanate, 21 in the color scale, resonates to 73. 1.768 meters tall, cock size 17.33 cm when erect, apparent age 21. Experimental luthier. Totem is Prosopis pubescens, the screwbean mesquite or tornillo, fixed star is Azha, the hatching place. Esoteric symbol is the geomantic glyph Puer, the boy. Dessert is Kue Cyan, coconut and rice confections with nau’gsh leaf. Function is combinatory release, proto-conscious tendency is innocence, designated Youth. Blazon is argent, within a bordure chartreuse, a lute and chartreuse toad, proper.”
Julian sits up suddenly. « Did it work? » cries Roan.
Julian moves his shoulder tentatively. « It’s healed. And I’m… »
I get a glimpse of his eyes. His pupils have almost entirely swallowed his irises.
« The roving leaf…a door splinters…cufflink salvation. It’s so clear to me now… » he murmurs.
Uh oh.
Wait, wasn’t that the sky? Why is it on the bottom? Where did all that confetti come from? For a moment, we seem to be at a hoverbike racing circuit. Then the world is a plate of pasta with Frangfrangian sausage.
I get my shit together the fastest. If anyone knows how to trip it’s me…and Malachi. Not good, Malachi says desperately. Theo was trying to show him how to use the chatburl when the drugs kicked in. His trip is being projected to everybody.
There’s a song. It’s Julian. He’s singing. It goes something like this: « Whoops, there goes another rubber tree… »
A metal control panel which tastes like chocumber suddenly bursts into flower. Then a circle of blinking purple symbols appears in front of me. For a moment, I think I’m having a flashback to the time Suzanna took me to see DovaChromium Band with the accelerated lightshow. But no, it’s Seth, teleporting in a magick circle.
With Tara.
Fuck.
Seth is out of his nut, practically faceplanting, and it’s probably a miracle they got here instead of ending up at the Shaky Cactus or something. And then I notice Roan, Templeton and Cyrus, looking at me strangely. Of course – they weren’t recognized, so they wouldn’t have tried to receive the chatburl.
« I don’t get it, » Cyrus is saying. « The toad is obviously affecting Julian, but what’s up with Chase? »
Templeton scowls. « He probably licked a few while we weren’t paying attention. He seems like the toad-licking type. »
Tara has her hands on her hips, looking pissed. « He’s in no condition to fly the mecha. »
« Teleport only works on those recognized by the pleroma, » says Seth. « I can take you and Julian and Chase. »
« Well, » says Tara, rubbing her hands together. « I’ve always wanted to have a go at that baby. »
I think my mouth says something like « Is that really a good idea? » But I’m not entirely sure. I might have said something about Floatfish.
« I have a license, » says Tara. « You know I have a license. »
I’m not good at fighting anyone, least of all, Tara. I guess it sounds okay. Seth ends up teleporting Julian, and I switch to the torso compartment while Tara takes the main pilot’s position in the head.
Yeah, my memory sucks. It isn’t until the mecha lurches suddenly into the sky feet first that I remember Tara has a Class VI license for hovercraft and personal flyers. It’s a little different than military issue flying robots, which have a hella tricky center of balance.
Sorry, I chatburl Ailann. I guess I fucked up.
It’s fine, says Ailann.
But now Tara’s really angry, and she’s flying like she licked a toad of her own.
As it turns out, it’s all for the best, he says. Since she found out what we were hiding from her, she probably won’t probe deeply enough to find out what we’re really hiding from her.
Wait, what?