The testimony of Admiral Suzanna Noviik of PLOT/Twist
I was cool. Let Danak stare out the viewport with his jaw hanging open. Me, it’s just another galaxy. So what?
Well, I had never been in another galaxy before, either. But I’d seen Crosspoint 49/Center-of-Minds-Meeting, the enormous station built by the SongLuminants for the convocation of the Combine of Sentients. That had to be worth something. And now the SongLuminants were at war, and we’re having the meeting at Ergon, the homeworld of the legendary Eer-gaaani.
You know, I never actually got to screw Ashtara, but he’s gotten me better gigs than anyone I ever did. Certainly better than Clive Rivers, the current ambassador to Terra.
Clive came back from Nightside so puffed up – first human to explore another galaxy indeed. Well, eat your heart out, Clive, I get to see Andromeda.
Lord Danak was actually pretty hot, once he dropped about 40 years and no longer looked like my grandfather. He had another advantage – Tara was not too likely to be putting the moves on him. That’s way too Oedipal, even for her.
What the hell? I decided to get a little into his personal space to announce our imminent arrival. “Our wormhole path took us relatively close to Ergon,” I said breathily. He turned his head from the viewport abruptly, which brought his face several centimeters away from my breasts. “We should be there in approximately an hour and thirty-seven minutes.”
“Uh,” said Danak. “Um.”
“This is so exciting!” Ugh, that etch was so enthusiastic about everything. Absolute opposite of Lilith. Cu’enashti are mental. There’s no doubt in my mind.
“I can project an image of Ergon onscreen,” said Thoughtful 45. “Personally, I’m thrilled. I’m familiar with the history, of course, but no Quicknode has ever been to Ergon before. This is monumental. It’s so unfortunate that it has to be under these circumstances.”
“It’s nice to be here without Lucius in my head,” I replied. “I don’t mind a man using my body, but he needs to employ the right entrance.”
My navigator, Xris, gave me a disgusted look. Her homeworld is Cybae, but she belongs to an extremist political group called the Feministas. When she heard that I was based in the Matriarchy, she jumped to get the chance to sign on. Down time with her is a drag, though. Every time we’d go to a bar together, she’d give me a running critique of how my wardrobe was a symbol of my physical and psychological subjugation to men.
“Your platform heels are a sort of foot-binding, designed to keep you from running away,” she said.
“Running away is for cowards,” I replied. That shut her up for a few minutes – she knew I could handle myself in a fight.
“Your hair color and style serve only to objectify you, making you a prisoner of the male gaze,” she said.
“You’ve got it backwards. Once I get a man to gaze at me, he’s my prisoner.”
There was only one solution. If I was ever going to get laid, I had to ditch my wet-blanket wingman. So I got her roaring drunk and gently nudged her into a fist fight with some Volparnians. It didn’t take much. It worked so well that it’s pretty much my strategy on every shore leave.
On the other hand, etch didn’t react at all, but smiled brightly at me. Neither did Melvin, the K’ntasari engineer. Advantages of a non-human crew, I guess. Well, at least with etch. I used to have a thing for Melvin, but he didn’t have a clue. I got burned out on it. It was like bouncing my tits at a wall.
I glanced up at the viewscreen. “Huh,” I said. “It doesn’t look like much, at least not compared to Crosspoint 49/Center-of-Minds-Meeting.”
“It doesn’t look like anything,” said Xris. “There aren’t even any ComSats in orbit. Are you certain this is the right planet?”
She was right. I glanced at the scanner readings. The planet was sparsely populated with humanoids, but there didn’t seem to be any population centers indicative of cities. Weirder still, there was no activity indicative of technological societies – no electricity, radio waves, cross-beam subspace transmissions, antimatter decay residue, photogravitic bonding, nothing. It seemed to be a primitive world.
We landed at the coordinates we had been given. It was in the middle of a field of grain. After a few minutes, we were approached by several individuals wearing rough woven robes of an off-white, organic fabric. Two of them were taller than humans, with four arms and alien facial features. They had no noses, enormous, segmented eyes ringed by tiny dotlike orifices, and disproportionately small mouths. They unnerved me. I was amazed rather than bothered by truly alien species like the Ateher-Masock and the StoneStolids. On the other hand, species like the K’ntasari had only minor variations on human appearance – two eyelids, six fingers. The Eer-gaaani were decidedly alien, but just human enough to be creepy.
The third was an elderly female, pretty much indistinguishable from humans except that she had four eyes, the second set located immediately above the first. “I’m Neliit,” she introduced. “These are my partners Deeeriiin and Spiiicel.”
“Pleased to meet you,” I said, bowing. I was glad that the custom was not to shake hands. They seemed to have only three bony fingers.
“You’re the first to arrive,” said Neliit. “Well, actually the second. The Twist are here also.”
“YO! I’M DARRIN,” boomed an invisible voice.
“I’d better create the meeting space,” said Neliit, unperturbed.
She held out her palm, closing both sets of eyes. Suddenly a simple, white building sprung from the soil like a crazy mushroom. It bounced a little before it seemed to stiffen.
“You can perform alchemy?” asked etch, surprised.
“Oh, nothing so exciting,” said Neliit. “It’s just nanoprinting. You would’ve sensed the drones if you were in your natural form.”
“Wait,” I blurted out. “If you have technology that sophisticated, then why is this world such a…” I was going to say dump, but averted a diplomatic incident by cutting myself off.
Neliit smiled. “Humanity is still in its acquisition phase,” she said. “Someday you will realize that if you can create anything, there’s no point in having more than you need. Our people live simply, in relation with the land and each other. Our communication is telepathic, our nano-medical technology is good enough to preserve our bodies indefinitely. We want for nothing more.”
In other words, this was one hella boring planet.
Melvin gestured towards the sky. His senses were better than human; he had spotted another approaching craft. “That must be High Chancellor Matek Lopen *click* Bar Treven *click* Sanis Poltra *clickclick* and Poklok-Kinniped,” said Neliit. “They always share a ride.”
After exchanging the proper ceremonial greetings, we retired to the structure. I made a point of brushing my breasts past Danak as we entered. The interior was rustic, but comfortable, chairs of woven fiber strewn with rough cloth pillows surrounding a central fire pit. Neliit gestured, and a cart of refreshments appeared. “The Floatfish will be here shortly,” said Neliit. “They’ll also be bringing the SongLuminant Ambassador, as well as additional representatives from the Panoply of the Ancient Foam and the Outer Vent Defense Guild.”
“What about the Champions of the Skylight Spin?” asked Danak. “It seems to me that if we’re going to resolve anything, all the parties need to be represented.”
“They’re coming with the Hreck,” said Neliit. “That’s a bit troubling. SongLuminants haven’t used Hreck as their hosts for thousands of rotations. It would seem to indicate that Skylight Spin has lost confidence in the fish.”
Danak frowned. I knew what he was thinking: the Hreck were allies of Humanity and the Nau’gsh. Why were they involved with the Champions of the Skylight Spin, who resented all newcomers to the Combine of Sentients? Come to think of it, wasn’t CSS in opposition to the entry of both Hreck and Floatfish?
“My guess is that it’s an expression of their sense of cultural superiority,” said the being introduced as Deeeriiin. His voice was brittle, like cracking ice, and it sent shivers down my spine. “The SongLuminants engineered the Hreck to be their servants.”
“But why would the Hreck go along with it?” I blurted out.
High Chancellor Matek Lopen *click* Bar Treven *click* Sanis Poltra *clickclick* made a series of whistles and clicks, waving her antennae agitatedly.
“She says that the Hreck are both humble and status-conscious,” Thoughtful 45 translated. “The Hreck accompanying the Skylight Spin representatives have probably served them for generations. They are proud of their ancient lineage and loyal to their masters.”
“Yeah, some people think that sort of behavior is honorable, even though they could do better for themselves on their own,” added etch, as she looked pointedly at Danak.
And then the Floatfish appeared. I jumped about ten feet. I’d forgotten that they could teleport. Using the technique Lucius showed me – examining the patterns of color around the gills – I recognized three of them: Fllllllrrrrrrrrt, Hrrrrrrrrrrrgh and Pftttrrrgmm, the school of combine nuncios.
“The others are Bhhhhhjjjjjjjjk, Lmmmmmmmmvvh and Gwwwtttth,” said Fllllllrrrrrrrrt, “but it will just be easier if you think of them as the representatives of the Southern Coriolis Directorate, the Panoply of the Ancient Foam, and the Outer Vent Defense Guild.”
They all have exactly the same patterns of color around the gills.
“In order to assure ourselves that our truest intents are being communicated,” Bhhhhhjjjjjjjjk/SCD announced, “we have chosen to express ourselves through three members of the same hatch, who are as genetically identical as possible. Thus we can be assured that the differences between our positions are clearly articulated, and not mere variations in the temperaments of our hosts.”
Danak shoots me a concerned glance, and I know exactly what he’s thinking: we won’t have a clue who is saying what. But I’ll bet my last megabuck that etch and Thoughtful know exactly who’s who. If he’s smart, he’ll follow their lead.
“This is upsetting,” said Spiiicel. I’ve just received word that the [ ] representative is boycotting the meeting. She says it’s too upsetting.”
“The who?” asked Danak.
Neliit smiles sheepishly. “The ELFF,” she replied. They were referring to a species which refused to identify itself on the grounds that names are stultifying labels. So of course, we gave them a name behind their backs – the Empathic Light Flicker Faeries, or ELFFs.
“THAT SUCKS,” said an unidentified voice. “I WANTED TO SEE AN ELFF BEFORE I DECAYED.”
“Wait,” said Lord Danak. “Are you another Twist?”
“I’M BRIAN. DARRIN JUST DECAYED. SORRY.”
“I…I thought that problem was solved,” sputtered Lord Danak.
“WE”RE IN FLIPPIN ANDROMEDA. DO YOU THINK ANY TWIST THIS FAR OUT HAS HAD A CHANCE TO INTERACT WITH WYNNE?”
“The Twist don’t tend to travel far because of their size,” said Thoughtful. “Instead, they send datons to each other. Since their lifespan is so short, we’ve always employed local representatives at combine meetings.”
“We could’ve brought Marty with us,” I said. “And if they hang out with Marty, they become immortal by association, right?”
“A bit of an oversimplification, but close enough,” said Thoughtful.
“I have to admit, I’m a little annoyed,” said Neliit. “The Hreck have perfectly good wormhole technology. The Champions of the Skylight Spin are making us wait. It’s a power play.”
I decided to use the time to up the ante in my flirtation with Lord Danak. There was nothing better to do in this pastoral paradise.