I stood motionless, looking at Ailann, feeling like I didn’t know him anymore, didn’t know my greatest love, the man of my dreams. And if that was true, did I know the nature of my own dreams?
Suddenly, I can feel the Staff of the Matriarch. I’d held it in my hands many times before, sometimes to use its power, more often as a ceremonial gesture, but this time it feels like the Staff is holding me.
And then it is clear – someone is trying to access it. Another authorized user is trying to access it, but can’t, because even though I am inside of the pleroma, I am still in contact with the Staff. The Archon is always connected to the Staff, and I am literally inside of the Archon.
Another authorized user? That could only be Christolea
Shit.
I can’t take the time to worry about Ailann. « Listen up branches, » I shout. « Things outside have gone to compost with a weed whacker. »
I explain to the best of my ability. « Christolea, » murmurs Lorcan. « I told you we should’ve killed her. I told you that when we interrogated her. »
Apparently, he was right. I hadn’t allowed it. It was because I couldn’t trust myself to make a good decision, not then. Lorcan was much different when he was young, so cruel and so bitter, but I couldn’t lay the blame for that at his feet. Ash would always give me whatever I wanted, whatever I needed. I had wanted revenge.
I let him torture her. It was supposedly an interrogation. The truth was that all of the traitors had already been dealt with. There was nothing more for her to say. I was just furious, furious at six months of fearing for my life while I was on the run, furious at Clive’s petty betrayal, furious at what Chase had to suffer, furious at the pointless deaths of Suzanna’s crew who had innocently been dragged into the then-brutal politics of the Skarsian state.
I remember Lorcan’s exact words to her: “I’m feeling lazy. I don’t think you’re worth that much effort. And I don’t want to make a big mess. So how can I cause you the maximum pain under those conditions? I know. I’ll create some nitrogen bubbles in your blood.”
It was diabolical because it was incredibly painful, and it could’ve killed her, and she knew it. But then again, it was something that she could easily recover from, undamaged, if Lorcan decided. But she knew, and we knew, and she knew we knew she didn’t have any bargaining chips. It was gratuitous.
If I had said stop, Lorcan would’ve stopped. But I didn’t. Nul-beings have no inherent concept of morality. Everything Ash knows of good and evil is a reflection of my own.
« That’s wrong, » says Balin. « Atlas didn’t. Goliath didn’t. But we did. »
« But you weren’t around at that time. » Still, he’s right: the Ashvattha emanations have always been preoccupied with moral reasoning, even before they were incorporated into the grove. Which means I should be more worried about the impact of this violence on Balin than Ailann.
Fuck it, I’m worried about everything – Cillian, Ailann, Balin, the Domha’vei, Marius, the group we haven’t been able to contact – I’m dizzy with worry.
Lorcan nears, putting his arm around me. « It wasn’t all for nothing, » he says. « Christolea said one thing that turned out to be true, the real reason for keeping her alive. »
What Christolea had said was, “I’m pregnant.”
What Christolea had said was, “I’m pregnant, and the father is someone who definitely carries the right gene, the 5th Matriarch’s half-brother.”
I couldn’t kill a pregnant woman, even though Lorcan urged me to, urged me because the child was a potentially dangerous rival whose father might not have forgiven me for the death of his sister. I couldn’t kill her because, like the 5th Matriarch, I knew that if anything ever happened to me, the Domha’vei would be screwed; billions of people would die if there was no one to take up the Matriarch’s Staff.
« Wait, » says Ailann. « Why have I never heard of this? »
« At the time, it was really difficult for you to access my branch, » says Lorcan. « I was in quarantine. You couldn’t participate in my experience when I was emanated. And which of you wanted to share the day when I tortured Christolea? Has anyone looked at it, ever? »
Jamey shakes his head.
« No, » says Lorcan. « Not even you. But in a way, I’m glad of that. »
« So what happened to the child? » asks Balin. « Is she kept under lock and key? »
« I sent the baby back to her people. I have no idea what happened to her. »
There is a moment of total silence.
Finally, Driscoll says, « Why would you do something which, on the surface, gives the deceptive appearance of being unbelievably stupid? »
« Because sooner or later, someone other than Lorcan would’ve found out about it, and then one day I’d find Patrick with a bloody steak knife in his hand saying, “I must’ve cut myself by accident. Odd that I don’t remember.” »
« I doubt that, » says Lorcan. « A little girl? He would’ve mercifully stopped brain function. Like Ailann just did. »
« Thanks, Lorcan. You’ve justified my decision. The point is that I wasn’t going to murder a babe in its crib. »
« No, » grumbles Mickey, « you’re going to wait until she becomes old enough to be a threat. »
« Let’s not get too disheartened, » says Whirljack. « First, Christolea’s attempt to take the Staff was blocked. Second, we’re down to 21 invaders. This is becoming more and more manageable. »
« All right. Then what’s our next move? »
« Ace’s group is heading north, but the hovercar was fucked in that last encounter, » says Ross. « It’s going to take time for them to reach the mecha. »
« There’s a group of five invaders down the shore from New Merenis, » says Lens. « The crew of the swan boat is going to meet them. »
« I’m not sure I like that. There’s a bunch of them – Evan, Daniel, Malachi, Dermot – whom I think might be a positive liability in a battle. »
« Why don’t we go to meet them? » suggests Aran. « The express train will get us back to Yggdrasil in short order. And I’m making no progress on this collage sitting around here. »
« How about Lorcan and Mickey? Has anyone gotten closer to another achievement? »
As if on cue, a voice says, “Thomas del Eden’d, Most Magnificent Mixologist to Her Eminence the Matriarch and Initiate of the Ouroborotic Mysteries. 30th to emanate, 14 in the color scale, resonates to 43. 1.715 meters tall, cock size 15.54 cm when erect, apparent age 36. Disco singer and nightclub proprietor. Totem is Phoenix reclinata, the wild date palm, fixed star is Pollux, much wine, one of the Gemini twins. Esoteric symbol is the Archimedean solid truncated dodecahedron. Dessert is sweet date gemblong (caramelized coconut fritters) with nau’gsh Prosecco agar shots. Function is establishing insight, proto-conscious tendency is passion, designated Copy-of-Lover. Blazon is ermine, a suede shoe, mood indigo within a bordure sable.”
« Whoa, » says Cüinn. « That’s weird. He’s in a really strange headspace right now. »
« He’s so deep in meditation he hasn’t realized he accomplished the achievement, » says Ellery. « Marius is trying to gently disturb him. »
« Oh, » says Thomas. « Oh. I see it all now. »
« What do you see? » asks Lens eagerly.
« What Manan is trying to accomplish. He’s one with the pleroma. He’s preventing the invaders who have been cast out from coming back in. »
« Then they’re still alive? » says Balin.
« It’s likely, » says Thomas. « Yes, a lot of the same ones keep trying. And others. Lots of others. In fact, the mental war is escalating. »
« Compost, » says Ailann. « Barbecued compost on a red-hot rotisserie. »
Balin sits on a picnic table and starts weeping with relief. I’m glad, too. Honestly, I wouldn’t care if I had killed them – it would make it a lot easier if they weren’t trying to get back. But these emanations just don’t have it in them.
« Thomas, if the war is escalating, how long can Manan keep it up? »
« He’s near the breaking point – but now, I think I can help him. Just have the penguin keep bringing me wet towels and don’t disturb me. »
« I’ll watch over him, » says Marius. « You only need me occasionally, so I’ll feel better with something else to do. »
« All right. Then everyone else, let’s get to the train. We’re going to retake New Merenis. »