As Related by Prince Dermot McRath, Minister of Aesthetic Affairs
« I’m sick of this, » Aran says. « I’m the Archon of Skarsia, and I’ve been relegated to the sidelines. I’ve been pushed into making this ridiculous craft project, and I can make no progress upon it at all just by sitting here. »
« Word, » says Lorcan. « If they won’t let us in on the real action, can we at least go find the Elusive Queen? They keep saying that it’s the next thing they’ll do, but something keeps coming up. At this rate, she’ll sail off the edge of the world before we can rescue those guys. »
Solomon is on beer number 15. He’s been on that one for a while now – he fell asleep. It’s an annoying fact of life that human bodies need down time, and alcohol is a depressant.
« We can’t leave him here alone. »
« Fine, » says Lorcan. « Then you stay with him. You can get some alone-time with your snuggle-bud. »
« If I’m not with you, you’ll drop out of contact. Then we’ll need a search party for you, too. Why don’t you just concentrate on the self-portrait? »
« I’ll tell you what, » says Aran. « You do the collage. I’ll give you the pieces I’ve collected. It doesn’t say that you have to collect them yourself. I’ll do the self-portrait. »
« That collage will take forever, » says Lorcan.
« Forever is better than never, which is where your project is heading, » Aran shoots back.
« He looked kind of sweet until he started to snore, » I muse, gazing at Solomon.
« Good grief, bad grief, happy happy grief and appallingly witnessed atrocities, » says Lorcan. « It’s just pollination. Get over it. »
« It’s not just pollination. First of all, there’s nothing “just” about pollination. Secondly, are you saying you feel nothing for your partners? For Jamey? For Driscoll? »
« Romantic sex and casual sex do not cancel each other out like matter and antimatter, » says Lorcan. « One person is capable of indulging in both. »
« So who are you having casual sex with? Seth? Beat? »
« Seth and Beat are my close buds. »
« Sloane? »
« Slone started as simple pollen trolling, but it’s become a little more…»
« Harsh? »
« Harsh gets attached. He’s…»
« Can we please talk about something important? » says Aran.
« This is important! » Lorcan and I say at once. It’s perhaps the only time we’ve ever agreed on anything.
« The only thing more important than your buds is Tara, » says Lorcan. « I’ve learned that the hard way. »
« Amen, » I chime in.
« Saving the citizens of the Domha’vei from political and economic upheaval might be more important at this juncture, » says Aran.
A part of me agrees. A part of me is skeptical.
« Nah, » says Lorcan. « Except that if the Domha’vei goes to hell, it makes life difficult for Tara. »
« The Archon has a responsibility, » Aran protests.
« Did you ask to be Archon? » Lorcan ripostes. « Did you ask to be God? »
« No, I was born that way, » says Aran. « But that doesn’t negate my obligation. »
« You aren’t Archon anymore, » says Lorcan. « The joint comedy act of Lamark and D’noe have picked up the franchise, and Tielo isn’t getting it back with his Harold Lloyd on ayahuasca routine. So loosen up. What do you know about relationships? You’re as inexperienced as Dermot. »
« It’s not like I’ve never pollinated before. »
« No, you crawl off in a corner someplace. The real way to experience pollination is in a group of at least four branches, all with stigmas swollen to bursting, and the only way you can get that way is through pre-pollen play. »
« All you think about is sex, » says Aran. « Are we going to rescue Quennel and company, or not? »
« I’m never invited to things like that, » I say to Lorcan, more-or-less ignoring Aran.
« You don’t need an invitation. Just show up at Ace’s. Or Sloane’s, for that matter. Do you think anyone is going to say, No, gorgeous branch with a mysteriously unrevealed Beauty Spot, no one here feels any desire for you to suck his cock? Do you? »
« I suppose when you put it that way…»
« I’m going, » says Aran. « Come with me, or not. »
« You’re just a tight ass, » says Lorcan.
« What? »
The tension rises like a drainage ditch in monsoon season. « Nobody challenges Aran. He scares the fertilizer out of everyone. Nobody challenges Aran except Lorcan who is…»
« A prick. Come on, say it. That’s what you meant, isn’t it? A droidfucking, cocksucking hermaphroditic prick and cunt simultaneously. »
« Lorcan, who is acting out to get attention. »
« The truth of all that does not negate that Aran is a tight ass. That Aran has a thing for Ailann, but doesn’t say boo about it. That Aran fantasizes about branch on branch all the time. »
« How do you know that? » Aran says darkly.
« How do you think? I looked in your branch, just like Tarlach and Tommy and Darius. »
« Darius? Darius looked in my branch? »
« Darius looks in everybody’s branch. It’s not a sex thing for him. He’s looking for memories to store the next time he’s emanated. »
« Darius, » sighs Aran. « Tommy I’d expect. »
« Aran, I’ve got news for you. Tommy thinks your branch is boring. He’s only featured three of your encounters with Tara on his “Pre-poof Porn” media push channel. »
« Tommy has a media push channel about sex? » I squeak. « Why didn’t I know anything about it? »
« Don’t get your twigs in a twist, » Lorcan replies. « It’s strictly internal. You can only get it on the datapad in here. He did it as part of the orientation module for new branches. »
For a moment, I actually consider going back to Daniel’s room to find a datapad.
And then I decide to go back to Daniel’s room to find a datapad.
« Not you, » says Lorcan. « You’ve got an achievement. I was pushing Aran to complete the “Explore your sexuality” one. »
« I’m going to get the datapad because now that the telepaths are gone, there’s a good chance that it won’t be offline anymore, and we can use it to contact Tara. »
« That actually makes sense, » says Aran. « I’m stunned. »
« You aren’t getting off the hook that easily, » says Lorcan.