Category: Uncategorized

Modesty.

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Good rotation, humans of the 21st century.  Allow me to introduce myself: Evan Finlay-Cole, Esq., ipsissimal bard of the Skarsian Matriarchy and 3rd emanation of Ashtara.  I was asked to write a “guest blog” to be featured on this “promotional website.”  Of course, I agreed – I am not one to shy away from necessary endeavors.  But I fear I must admit knowing little about the medium.  I decided that perhaps the best way to familiarize myself with the style and content of the 21st century “internet” was to do a bit of “web surfing.”

To put it mildly, I was shocked.

It appears that this “internet” is full of appallingly inappropriate images.  Furthermore, it became clear as I investigated that the youth of this planet has no conception of how to behave.  There seemed to be little in the way of guidance from their elders in how to conduct themselves with dignity.  I realized that perhaps the most useful thing I could do is write a guide illustrating modesty in comportment and conduct.  This “internet” was able to provide me with a wealth of examples, good and bad, to demonstrate the important concepts, particularly the site called “wikimedia commons” where I found hundreds of the most shameless images imaginable.

Let’s start with the positive.  This chrysanthemum is an excellent example of modest behavior:

There is nothing seen which does not need to be seen.  Of course, we all know there are certain times when things need to be seen, especially if, as is the custom for some species, certain very delicate functions require the assistance of a passing bird or bee.

White lotus has a reputation for being a flower of purest spirituality.

It’s easy to see why.  Such elegant beauty without exposing sensitive areas.

I think we can all agree that this dahlia looks absolutely splendid.  However, due to the clever use of involucral bracts, what needs to be covered is covered, and what needs to be exposed is exposed.

Now this is an excellent example of modesty in a time of biological need.

This camomile has cleverly used compound inflorescence to achieve a very modest look while still allowing access to…well, you know.

All right, here’s something a bit more daring.

This geranium is rather exposed, but the clever combination of color and pattern yields a subtle effect.  Sexy, yes, but not obvious and trashy.  This flower has class.

And just to prove that I’m not a total prude, I think that the look modeled by impatiens could sometimes be appropriate for evening.

All right, now for some examples of what to avoid.

Peony, it’s a little too much.  What do you expect to attract when you let it all hang out like that?  Reference dahlia for example.

This.  It’s so obvious.  Tacky, tacky, tacky, iris.

Orchid, this is why your entire family has a reputation for being loose.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, is left to the imagination.

Hibiscus, what is this?  Could you sell yourself any cheaper?  It’s so exaggerated, it doesn’t even look appealing.

I…I didn’t even know that images like this were allowed!  Lily, don’t you even have the merest iota of self-respect?!?

I hope this has been a helpful lesson, demonstrating the importance of modesty.  And now, if you would excuse me, I believe I need to take a cold shower.

Photo credits: Muhammad Mahdi Karim (chrysanthemum), Marie-Lan Nguyen (lotus), Lestat (dahlia), Fir0002/Flagstaffotos (camomile), Андрей Корзун (geranium), Andrew Bossi (impatiens), Jebulon (peony), Андрей Корзун (iris), H. Krisp (orchid), Joydeep (hibiscus), Thomas Bresson (lily).

 

Two of Jacks Box Set on hold…

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We regret to announce that the publication of the Two of Jacks Retrospective Box Set has been delayed indefinitely.  We were initially negotiating with an uber-trendy Dutch denim designer to sponsor the media push for the release, but imagine our surprise when we found out that 21st century rock stars see fashion shoots as a sideline to sell their music!  The designers were only willing to pay us a pittance for the photo shoot, completely undervaluing the sales impact of having two such dynamic performers endorsing their line.

We also realized that producing anything as complex as a retrospective box set, complete with the autographed holoprogram and the t-shirt, was extraordinarily difficult given the lack of cheap on-demand fabrication available.  Frankly, we can’t imagine how something like this could be mass-produced and not take a enormous loss.  Our next idea was to abandon the box set and do a digital release, but while we were still figuring out the rococo intellectual property rights laws of this century, which seem to differ across geographical regions, our own media push sponsors in the 36th century caught wind of our plans and objected strenuously.  In their eyes, a retrospective published in the 21st century was actually a pre-release that would potentially undermine their past sales.  We consulted with numerous experts in temporal chronology who all came to the same conclusion: we won’t know until we try it.  That wasn’t good enough for our sponsors, unfortunately.

The current plan is that the next time Whirljack and Blackjack emanate, they’ll produce an exclusive release and slap it up on Soundcloud simply as a promo for our literary endeavors.  We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.