As Related by Stephen del Eden’d, Commander of the Ipsissimal Hovercade
So after one too many Mai Tai’s at the Happy Coconut, the talk turned to what to do next.
« I’ll bet we could find a pearl around here, » says Briscoe. « And the secret entrance to the underwater dome. »
« The pleroma is surrounded by ocean, » says Ethan. « That dome could be anywhere. »
« But the achievement is to find the secret entrance to the underwater dome, » says Benbow. « Not the entrance to the secret underwater dome. »
Maybe more than one too many Mai Tai’s – it takes me a minute to wrap my head around that.
« I’ll bet that the location of the underwater dome is on the map in Nash’s quarters, » says Benbow.
« Impressive thinking, » says Quennel. « I just want to get this over with as soon as possible, and get home to Evan. »
« Now for me, I like some adventure, a bit of excitement. » It’s also the best way I can think of to stay the hell out of the way while Manasseh and Davy sort things out. Fighting pirates, zombies or giant crabs is one thing – a love triangle is another. It’s not like I want to keep Manasseh all to myself, either. I’d like to have some fun. Maybe with Tielo, providing that Tarlach straightens his head out.
« Maybe we could find gold or silver, » says Rand. « Some kind of pirate treasure. I’ve already got two of the seven metals. »
« Isn’t there supposed to be a treasure map? » asks Briscoe.
I walk with Benbow back to the swan boat. « The Herzeloyde, » he corrects me. « Every ship has a name. »
« I’m not sure I understand why it has a girl’s name when it’s the physical locus of Canopus within the pleroma. »
« That’s the kind of thing to ask Malachi, » says Benbow.
He’s quiet for a while. « Stephen, what do you think about Tara? » he asks.
« Think about Tara? I don’t, really. She’s like sun and rain, an essential condition for life. »
« How do I know if I love her? » he asks.
It takes me more than a minute to wrap my head around that question. « You just do. It’s like asking, “How do I know if photons exist?” There’s light, whether you understand the theory or not. »
I’m kind of glad that nobody can peek into my branch right now because he seems like a nice guy, and I’m feeling what a lot of people seemed to be feeling about him. I mean, he emanated before I did, but there’s this sense that he and Vassali maybe don’t fit. And Benbow did a great, heroic service for us when he defeated the Alliance fleet at Terra, but still…
The rumor is that he told Tara he didn’t love her.
How can he be happy here if he doesn’t love her?
I’ve never been inside of Nash’s cabin before. It’s stunning, full of amazing automotive memorabilia and mid 20th century kitsch. Benbow, uninterested, goes directly to the map. « I was right, » he says. « Atlantis underwater dome. »
« It’s on the other end of the continent. Great. »
« Why would anybody need these on a sailing vessel? » he says, pointing at a stack of auto-repair manuals.
I grab one off the top. « Because they’re hella cool. 1957 Chevy – what a machine! »
« Hey, what’s that? » asks Benbow. There’s a manila folder wedged between the manuals. It’s full of promotional placemats for the soda fountain that was apparently attached to the gas station. They’re connect-the-dots games in the form of a treasure map.
« Worth the trip, » says Benbow as we head back to the Happy Coconut. « I’ll probably want to visit Atlantis anyway. »
By the time we arrive, everyone has fallen into an alcoholic dolor. Barnabas is staring off into the distance – clearly talking to someone in his head. Next to him, Ethan sits, dejected. Rand and Briscoe are trying to console an openly weeping Quennel, who is saying that he wants to be safe at home, surrounded by branches, in bed with Evan. The news of the treasure map perks him up considerably. He’s for departing immediately, but Ethan is inconveniently drowsy, and Vassali has wandered off somewhere by himself.
I walk outside with Briscoe. « Quennel is taking this hard, » he says. « How about you? »
« I’m okay. It’s a little too quiet. »
« I know what you mean, » says Briscoe. His hand brushes against mine. I notice that his face is saying something different than his eyes, forced optimism versus melancholy. He notices my noticing, and it’s like a lifeline. « Being alone is awful, » he says. Suddenly, impulsively, he kisses me.
I know exactly what this is about. It’s desperation sex, driven by the need to feel some kind of touch or contact. I don’t mind. Even if it’s only pleasure, there’s nothing wrong with it. Maybe it could be more; Manasseh isn’t the jealous type.
But it doesn’t feel right. It’s not the dreamy ecstasy typical of encounters in the pleroma. It’s raw and physical. The sensations feel dull and rushed, but there’s an urgency to it. It’s almost annoying, an impulse more than an indulgence.
But still I…what the hell? Oh, fuck, oh, Oh!
« Stephen, » says Briscoe incredulously, « did you just come? Inside of the pleroma? »
It would appear so.
« We’ve got to tell the guys about this! »
« Why don’t you do that? I just want to sleep. »
Briscoe barely zips his jeans before he goes running back into the Happy Coconut. I slump against the wall of the building. I am tired – but what I didn’t want him to know is that I feel awful. The climax was anticlimactic, and trying to stimulate him without being able to feel his pleasure was just pathetic groping. I wasn’t in his branch, and he wasn’t in mine. There was no intimacy whatsoever. I’ve never felt this alone, not even in the beginning, before Manasseh, when I was nothing but a spark. I didn’t know any better then.
It’s not like this in the material world. Well, at least not for us, because our sexuality is tied to Tara’s enjoyment, and we’re always alchemically tweaking her metabolism so that she has a great time.
I can hear the excited shouting coming from the bar, can make out Briscoe saying, « Maybe it’s not such a big deal to you, Ethan, but the rest of us never get the chance outside of pollination…»
I feel dirty. I feel like a slut. This must be a record – the first of Ashtara’s emanations to experience bad sex.
“Stephen del Eden’d, Commander of the Ipsissimal Hovercade. 55th to emanate, 1 in the color scale, resonates to 2. 1.737 meters tall, cock size 16.64 cm when erect, apparent age 28. Hovercar racer. Totem is Populus alba, the white poplar, fixed star is Diadem, the crown of Berenice. Esoteric symbol is the Platonic solid tetrahedron. Dessert is Cranberri-nau’gsh quickbread. Function is establishing inspiration, proto-conscious tendency is speed, designated Bold. Blazon is chequy starmint and argent, a racing flag, proper.”
That was an achievement?
« Wynne’s looking at it now, » says Ace. « Oh, hi, Stephen. Since we got back, we decided to start a betting pool on who’ll get the next achievement, and which one it will be. We’re chilling in the armory, looking at the scoreboard. »
« It’s #96, “Explore your sexuality! »” says Wynne. « Stephen, you legend! »
« Wait, » says Manasseh petulantly. « You got the explore your sexuality achievement without me? »
« He just doesn’t love you like I do, » says Davy.
Wonderful. Not only am I completely humiliated, but I’m also in trouble with my candy boi. This has been a day of fritters and trumpets.
« Ooooh, relationship drama, » says Lorcan. « Well, you’re always welcome up at Sloane’s. We wouldn’t mind exploring your sexuality. »
For a moment I want to clutch my humiliation to myself and bury it. But anything is better than the terrible sense of being alone. That’s the point. That’s why I have to share this with all of them. They have to know how lonely it is to be human.
Barnabas is standing in the doorway of the bar. Then I’m in his arms, weeping. I’m not sure how I got there; it just happens. I can feel him; he can feel me. I’m so relieved.
« You were brave, » he says. « I can’t even bring myself to touch Ethan. »
Further Curious Tales of the Chevalier’s Arbor: #67 Complete an Unfinished Opus