55: Rand

That was safer?

No wonder that I couldn’t access Lorcan’s memory directly.  The trauma had to be incredible.

But why did he do it?  Wasn’t it bad enough the first time?

Maybe that’s the problem.  Davy wanted Lorcan to sacrifice himself in order to create the Bhavashti.  The problem no one could foresee is that interacting with the Denolin corrupted Lorcan’s n’aashet n’aaverti.

NO.

It’s an answer, an echo pounding through my brain, a pulse of blood surging through my heart.  It’s Ashtara, and he’s communicating directly.  It’s something that happens rarely – he either doesn’t want to do it, or it’s difficult for him.  But it’s unmistakable: he doesn’t want this blamed on Lorcan.

Then help me, damn it.  If Lorcan’s ruin wasn’t the terrible thing that Lens saw, then what was?

But I’m getting closer.  If I couldn’t access Lorcan because it would be too traumatizing, perhaps the same is true of Lens.  Perhaps I can find out the truth by accessing another branch, one with perspective.

Whirljack.  He’s one of the strongest emanations.  He has enormous experience, indomitable willpower.  And I’ve been in his branch once before.  I should be able to find it.

But when I do, I’m shocked.  I had read about the split, about the injury that caused Blackjack to emanate, but until I reached for Whirljack’s branch, I wasn’t aware of how painful it was.  Twin brothers, eternally in opposition, and yet yearning to be whole again.

The more I remember, the more traumatic it becomes.  I want to stop.

I really want to stop.  I can feel my own resistance.  I’m close to the truth.  And, like Axel, I’m not sure I want to know.

Onward –>

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