The Verse:
It ends where it began.
The ending is a beginning.
The Vision:
I am asleep in Patrick’s arms, in my enormous bed at Court Emmere. I stir in my sleep; restlessly, I cry out, “Ash?” Patrick seems surprised, even confused, to hear it. By this I know that this is the first time this has happened. It will happen every night thereafter, to this day, probably for the rest of my life. Patrick kisses my brow softly and says, “I’m here, my love.”
Commentary by Her Eminence Tara del D’myn, 6th Matriarch of Skarsia:
This is the last vision to be included in this series. I believe that the story stands best on its own, without further comment.
I told Clive to take the hovercar and bring the others back to Court Emmere. Then I turned back to the man on the beach, the man I had never seen before this moment, and yet had somehow known since I was a child.
“My name is Ailann Tiarnan,” he said. “I was created to become the Archon. Intuitively, I understand how the system works. I can control the power and defense grids with a thought.”
How could I not be impressed? And yet, it was so different from my dreams. In those dreams, it seemed like the strength of our love walled us off in a force bubble which nothing in the universe could penetrate. It set us apart, protected us from everything. But this wasn’t a dream. It was reality. As in the dream, he was going to protect me, take care of everything for me – but he was going to do it by having the power of the Living God of Skarsia in his hands.
“I want people to know the truth,” I said. “I want you to take an active role in the government. Everyone has to understand that the nau’gsh are our partners – that they’ve helped us, made it possible for us to live in the Domha’vei, since the very beginning.”
His eyes were full and shining. They were that particular Cu’enashti blue – how is it that we could have gone so long without seeing the angels that walked among us? But more – they were those eyes, the ones I had seen so many times before. Except those times I had gone out of reach, to Volparnu or to Earth, those eyes had always watched over me.
“I trust you,” he said. “You’ve always fought for the benefit of my people.”
“We’ll need to sit down with Lord Danak and the Vizier to figure out the best way to do this. They’re good at public relations.” I couldn’t stop looking at his eyes, his kind eyes. There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the words. Really, there was only one thing I needed to say: “I love you.” But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I wouldn’t say it until years later, when after I thought I’d ruined everything, I found Chase.
I was overwhelmed. So much had happened. The vision I’d had of him – everything he was – I couldn’t quite comprehend it. The deaths of Daniel and Sloane – and, as I had recently learned, of Mickey and Cuinn – and that he was Jack, was Evan, was Tommy…
And then I realized that I’d made a horrible mistake.
“Ailann,” I said, “we’re going to have to be careful how we do this. The people have seen so much upheaval lately. They need some sense of consistency and tradition. But I want you by my side, always. And I just realized how to accomplish all of it. Technically speaking, I’m still married to Patrick. If we were to reconcile, I think it would be a stabilizing factor…”
My god, his face. His joy was brighter and warmer than the sun. I couldn’t look at it for long. It burned me, left me exposed. I glanced down the beach. Clive and the others were long gone; we were alone.
“I do have a request,” I murmured, looking at the ground. “I’ve seen what just happened to Jamey. Also, I saw a holorecording of when General Panic shot Mickey. I know what it looks like when you become the mothman, but…I’ve never seen the mothman become, well, one of you…”
“Oh!” Suddenly this supremely confident man looked self-conscious. “It’s a very private thing. We’ve been taught to hide what we are, you see. But I think…I think that yes, maybe this once, you should see it.”
It is very private. He’s gotten better about it, and I have seen the transformation on a number of occasions. But the norm is that I’ll either wake up, or come back from someplace I’d been on my own, and a different emanation will already be there.
Ailann Tiarnan raised his arms. I could see it first in his eyes, then pushing its way through his skin: a blue radiance with flashes of green, like an opal. It shone, but it wasn’t quite light. It might be better to say that it was a shining darkness. Nul-energy.
And then the mothman rose into the air, wings outstretched, hair billowing in the wind – except it wasn’t quite wings, wasn’t quite hair, but winding fibers of energy. I gasped. I had still not gotten used to the apparition. Unlike the three other times he had revealed himself to me, he hovered there, letting me take a good look at him. I remember thinking that I’d never seen anything so alien. I remember thinking that I’d never seen anything so beautiful.
And then he folded his arms and descended, all of that power suddenly solidifying into a human form. It was Patrick, his blond hair, his boyish smile, still wearing the dress uniform he had on when I last saw him, when we had fought, and I forced him into exile. My churning emotions found an anchor, and I rushed into his arms. “I am so sorry,” I said.
I buried my face against his shoulder. “So am I,” he replied. “I should have told you everything. But it’s all right now. Everything will be just fine.”
I took his hand, and we walked together down the strand to Court Emmere.
*****
The vision I had under the influence of amrita came so many years later. When I came to myself, unlike most of my visions, I understood its import immediately. That night I called for him in my sleep: not for Ailann, not for Patrick, for Ash. That day I’d seen for myself what he truly was, and below the conscious surface of my mind, in the depths of my heart and soul, I accepted it.
In my stupidity, it was years before I extended my marriage to Patrick to include all of the emanations of the Atlas Tree. In my stupidity, mere months ago I was on Skarsia with Wynne, thinking that Ash still needed my woman’s heart to trust him.
My woman’s heart has always trusted him. It just took a while for the rest of my stupid self to understand.
FIN.